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I am 35 and in great physical shape. He is 39 and is overweight. We have been together for six years. While we were dating, we had sex every weekend when we saw each other. As soon as he moved in with me, the sex stopped. Now he's only interested once a month. I could do it twice a day. For me it's not as much about sex as it is intimacy. There is no kissing, there is no cuddling or fondling or making out. I feel like I'm living with a gay roommate. He is my best friend and we have a lot of fun together most of the time. I have tried everything I can think of and I'm just done trying. I accept that the problem does not lie with me. I am sexy and attractive and kind. I have tried turning him on. I have tried all the advice I've read on the Internet. I have talked to him until I'm blue in the face. He says he just isn't that interested. Well I am! This is something that weighs heavily on my mind every single day. I don't feel like it's fair to me. I was married before and have a daughter from that marriage. My husband and I also have a three-year-old together. So leaving and just moving on isn't a good option. He didn't even want to have sex on our honeymoon. I'm angry and frustrated. It's not fair. Last year I met someone and we started a virtual affair. It has gotten physical a few times. It's exciting and fun and feels so good to be wanted. He is in a similar situation as me. We don't want to give up our home lives and our kids. But I can't imagine living the rest of my married life with someone who does not want me sexually. Am I making too much of this?
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Hello Anonymous,
Welcome to EmpowHER and thank you for sharing your situation.
It is apparent that you are not completely satisfied with your marriage and have chosen to have an affair. The amount of intimacy in your marriage is not meeting your needs and has lead you to your lover.
I see only two options. Both of you divorce your spouses and make a life together. Or stop the affair, seek the intervention of a marriage counselor, and see if the marriages can be saved.
Regards,
October 8, 2014 - 8:28amMaryann
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