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My husband isn't interested in having sex with me, we've been married for only 10 weeks

By September 11, 2009 - 3:58pm
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We had a good sex relationship for about a year before he moved in with me, we lived together for a year and a half, before we got married, sex was good but was becoming less, he said it was from medication he was taking, went to the Dr, and was put on Lavitra. it got alittle better. Now after we got married he doesn't anniciate any sexual tendacies, i do it all, I have even bought sexy nighties, rented porn, have sent sexy letteres to work with him, and he still doesn't seem to be into sex, I feel more like his mother, then his partner in life. I don't feel desireable, sexy, needed, When we do have sex, it is quick, not much if any at times foreplay on his part, seems as if I do the oral sex on him and I'm the one who does the work. I feel lonely, not sexually satisfied, and wonder why he isn't interested in me anymore.

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EmpowHER Guest

Hi sitnkimmie,

I agree with Susan when she said this is a frustrating situation that definitely needs resolution. I think communication really needs to flourish in this situation. It would appear to me that erectile dysfunction may be an issue. I am a woman, but I think men cringe at the thought of this happening to them. It is a crutch to their ego.

Certainly, trying to get him to talk about this is your main objective. Try to make a comfortable situation for him to talk about it and maybe going to see his physician again. Steer clear of saying, “We need to talk”, because men tend to run from this statement or immediately know that something is wrong and get defensive.

Don't get argumentative, try to remove your feelings of inadequacy from the equation and think that he may have a serious issue and try to be helpful instead of defensive about your emotional feelings. Women are good for putting our emotions in everything we do and everything is personal. Try to stay away from that situation.

Ask him if there is anything you can do to spice up the situation. Ask him what he would enjoy. I hope this helps because clearly communication is essential.

September 12, 2009 - 8:36am
HERWriter Guide

Dear sitnkimmie

This is defintely not a good situation to be, mere weeks after your wedding.

Remember that sex changes as relationships progress. There can be a lull for a while, then a surge and then a kind of evening out.

But if he is not initiating anything, or showing any interest in sex at all, then there's definitely a problem here and it's not the natural ebb and flow of sexual activity in a relationship.

Since things did improve somewhat when he was using Levitra, he may have erectile dysfunction that he doesn't want to face. He may need to go back on the medication. I assume, from what you say, that he is no longer taking it? Is he still taking the medication he said were causing the problems in the first place?

You say you wonder why he isn't interested in your anymore - have you asked him? He may have sexual dysfunction, he may feel unattracted to you or he may have an underlying medical problem that he is unaware of! It's unfair to both of you to leave this hanging - with no discussion and no intervention.

How do you feel about approaching the subject with him? Is he very closed off from you or do you think he's open to discussion?

September 12, 2009 - 6:18am
(reply to Susan Cody)

He stopped taking his anti depressant about a month ago, and he still takes thes lavita only when he knows I'm getting fed up. yes i try to talk to him, I ask all the time if he has lost interest in me? he says he is interested, its not me it's him, yet he won't go back to the dr. and when he ejaculates to fast, i'm left with nothing, he says hes sorry and watches t.v., then the next day when i try to talk to him he says I'm pouting, i've told him its not pouting I'm hurt. I just don't get it, my feelings don't seem to matter, he seems to be content, I'm really getting frustrted.

September 12, 2009 - 7:02am
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