ask: Is my relationship doomed because I can't orgasm during sex?

Hi BlondeChica

Thanks so much for your question and welcome!

Your relationship is only doomed if both don't want it to work. If your boyfriend is clearly disinterested in making the relationship work, then yes, it's doomed. One person doing all the work is not a "relationship" because there must be a positive connection back and forth in order to be even able to call it a relationship.

With regard to sex, most women don't orgasm through sex, they orgasm through clitoral stimulation and how that is achieved is up to the woman and both partners. Orgasm during actual intercourse can actually be quite difficult for a lot of women although some find it easy. Men and women are build differently (physically and psychologically) so it's normal that both experience orgasm differently. Both people screaming in orgasmic ecstasy at the exact same time is usually what happens in the movies, not in real life. It should not matter how you orgasm, just as long as you do.

Putting pressure on yourself to do what you think is right is only going to make things worse. There are no "rules" in sex. As long as you're with another consenting adult, do it how and when and where you please.

The majority of women don't orgasm during intercourse. The majority achieve it using sex toys or manual/oral stimulation. So you are the same as the majority of women. Why does it bother you so much that this is the case? Why does it only matter if you orgasm during intercourse? Because you see it in the movies that way? Or because that's how your boyfriend's body works? You are not a man and the movies are fake.

So don't put pressure on yourself anymore and learn a little more about how the female body works so that you understand your situation is very normal and you are trying to change 'normal'. Why change what's normal and natural? If it's much easier to reach orgasm using toys, then work with that instead of making yourself be or do what is unnatural. The clitoris is the same as a penis, only smaller. The vagina has far fewer nerve endings - this is why we usually orgasm with the former and not the latter. Don't fight your biology!

I hope this helps you to understand that you don't need "fixing" and that your boyfriend might need a little refresher course in how women work sexually. You're not broken, you're just not built like a man is and need to be treated accordingly.