NO SEX! HELP?

By guitargirl8 September 16, 2011 - 1:40pm

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So i have been dealing with this for a while now. And i am starting to really have doubt about me and my guy. We have been together for 2 years. We just clicked and dated for 3 months and lived together ever since. He always tells me he loves me. And he said even if he isnt mushy all the time it doesn't mean that he doesn't care or love me. But i have told him that i am 20 years old and i want a sex life. he is about to turn 31. and i know he is not cheating. he goes to work and then comes home to me everyday. We normally have a wonderful time together. but the lack of sex changed me alot. I want to cry all the time because my ego is bruised. i told him last month that he either goes to the doctor or we break up. but i felt so bad for that. So i told him i was going to see how things change. And nothing has changed and we are into another sexless month. I have gained a little weight. but still wear the same shirt and pants size. and i asked him if it was my weight gain. and he couldnt stress enough to me that it wasnt that. and told him all his previous relationships ending because of lack of sex on his part. I really dont feel beautiful any more. And the thought of having sex with him worries me if he would try. only because its been so long without anything. that i wouldnt feel like he truely honestly wanted it from me. he says it not about how many times you have sex but about the feelings you have when making love. i know that. but i would like it more than once a month. i feel totally helpless. And when i cry about us or anything like that he gets so mad and wont confort me or try to make me feel better. I just don't feel really cared about and disireable. i feel so nasty. and i look at myself anymore and feel like i wouldnt want me neither. he says he loves being inimate with me but we are never inimate. he kisses me alot and holds me and saids he loves me and just stares at me and tells me that he is just overwhelmed by how much he loves me. I dont believe him anymore. he say he dont know how to start it. but in the beginning he used to start it all the time. and trust me ive had my fair share of starting it as well. Please i need advice. i dont want to end this relationship just because of sex. but i am not getting my needs meet at all.

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Maryann Gromisch RN Guide

Hi,
I hesitate to offer any advice because I am hearing only your side of the story and his reactions through your words. I can say that nagging, crying and pressuring him about the lack of sex doesn't work and only will make matters worse. The 11 year age difference may be one reason--you want an active sex life, he may want a deeper relationship that is not measured by how often you have sex rather the quality of the act. Threatening to leave him will not accomplish anything. If you want to break off the relationship then do it, don't threaten or tease. If you both cannot talk this out and come to a solution as two adults, then maybe, there is no relationship worth saving.

Maryann

September 16, 2011 - 4:29pm