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Not feeling anything during sex

By Anonymous April 23, 2012 - 9:30am
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I don't feel anything during sex. I was a virgin until I was 28 I lost my virginity to my ex boyfriend last year. We only had sex a few times but I never felt anything. Initially at first it felt good then nothing. I never had a vaginal orgasm. Is there something wrong with me? Should I go to the Gyno and get checked out? What is the matter with me?

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EmpowHER Guest

I have the same problems. I've tried masturbating, my boyfriends done oral, and even basic sex. I just don't feel anything. I feel the pressure and him inside me but there is just no pleasure. I also have no problem getting wet which makes me think maybe I'm just not clued in on the fun. Its frustrating and also a bit embarressing.

April 28, 2012 - 8:30pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Susan thanks for the response. I will admit Porn does ruin it. I've watched porn hey I'll admit it. And I was expecting sex to be like that. You have to understand I am sexually inexperienced I've only had sex like 4-5 times max. And to add to it I am a bit confused about my sexuality. I'm bi- sexual. I've never been with a woman. I got a lot of issues. I don't know if sex with a guy isn't appealing to me or doesn't turn me on? I could feel something inside of me defiantly but I just lost interest. It kind of hurt at one point but then I didn't feel anything. It wasn't numb just nothing at all. I also need to mention my ex was on the rather small side. I don't know what is the matter. I kind of summed it up to some possible reasons:

1. I am homosexual
2. I never was really sexually satisfied yet
3. I wasn't ready
4. My ex was too small and couldn't please me
5. I need someone more experienced
6. It's a medical problem

April 23, 2012 - 5:15pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi again Anon

Reading your list - it could be any or some of the above. Expecting sex to be like porn is a big problem, unfortunately. Just remember that real orgasms RARELY happen in porn, it's all edited, it's all acting, orgasms are fake, so are the boobs!  It's a fantasy land that has nothing to do with real life. But people can get caught up in it and cannot differentiate between real and fake. Porn is not all evil by any means, it's when the lines are crossed and realism comes into play, we see problems.

Your ex may well have been a bad lover and had no idea how to satisfy a woman - you wouldn't be the first, nor the last to have this happen. First sexual experiences can be great or a complete disappointment. You may not have been aroused enough or you may not have been emotionally ready. Women + sex = physical + emotional. That's just how we tend to roll.

You also may be gay. You can explore that. Go on a date with a woman (try personal ad but be very careful as with anyone dating online) or try a gay bar at happy hour. Just get the vibe there and see how it is, you don't have to talk to someone. Have a cocktail at the bar and look approachable but not desperate (sorry, it sounds like there are so many rules!) - just be yourself. If someone says hi, say hi back and "how are you?" and see what happens. You might hate it, you might really like it but you won't know unless you try.

I am not a doctor so I don't know if it's "medical" but woman-to-woman, to me it sounds emotional or that you may want to try same-sex dating. But I do urge you see a doctor if you think there may be something wrong with you medically. It certainly can't hurt.

Let me know what you think!


April 24, 2012 - 9:31am
HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post!

There may not be anything "wrong" with you at all. Vaginal orgasms aren't not actually that common. The majority of women have clitoral orgasms and then think there's something wrong with they can't orgasm vaginally. I think it's partly due to porn and other movies that show women screaming in orgasmic ectasy about 3 seconds after a penis enters her. Not much of this is real at all although of course vaginal sex should feel great but the whole climax thing is clitoral. Don't fight it or worry or wonder; it's normal.Using sex toys can also help allow you to understand your body better.

But when you say you feel "nothing" during vaginal sex- are you numb? Do you feel anything at all? As in, do you know there is something inside you? You may have a problem with your nerves/nerve endings and this will need a doctor's evaluation.

If you mean that you don't feel anything good, then it could be your first boyfriend wasn't able to sexually satisfy you or that you lost interest in him. A different, better lover may change that.



April 23, 2012 - 10:38am
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