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Only been together going on 5 months and sex is next to nothing...

By September 22, 2015 - 8:50am
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So i have been with my boyfriend going on 5 months now. (only a 4 yr age difference) Everything is great, he is so not like any other person i have been with and thats a huge relief. Only problem is the sex. There is hardly any. We only get to see each other on weekends so you think he would be wanting to do it every weekend but its not the case. I did have surgery and couldnt for 4-6 weeks. But its going on 8 weeks now and we only fooled around once. No intercourse. Last weekend i put on sexy lingerie for him but he hardly even noticed, course he was playing computer games. So i got upset and he said he was an idiot and forgive him he hasnt been in a relationship for 8 yrs. *sure but everyone has hormones* . His excuse is usually well we both were tired, or he was tired, or he thought i was tired and was being a gentlemen. He assures me its nothing to do with me, he loves me and i know he does. I can see he gets turned on by me but i dont get it. Shouldnt this be the honeymoon phase? (he says he gets hard just by kissing me) He is on medications that perhaps affects his sex drive but i dont know (some are for his heart). We have talked about this a few times and i cant help but think he isnt into me. Even though i can see that he is but its hard on the head you know? He told me that while sex with me is great he just loves being with me in general no matter what we are doing. I guess i am just not used to someone having a lower sex drive then i do lol But its very frustrating :-(

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Thanks for your response :-)

To add i will be turning 40 this year and he is 44. He went through a triple by pass surgery 4 yrs ago and since then he said he has trouble with being tired. Trust me he can fall asleep just about anywhere lol So he is on medications for his heart while he doesnt have any troubles with ED i am thinking it is affecting his sex drive.

He hasnt been in a serious relationship in 8 yrs. And i do know it wasnt a great relationship he was in. *he was in it for 8yrs, abusive on her part with him, she would go out all the time with her friends etc)

Its just so difficult with everything else being so perfect this is just the one hiccup we have. Luckily we can talk to each other about anything. But as you know as a person i still wonder if its me he has a problem with even though i know he doesnt.

Thanks so much for the suggestions!

September 22, 2015 - 9:40am

Hello Jezebeth,

Welcome to the EmpowHER community. Thank for reaching out to us with your issue. It is a very commonly voiced one on this website.

I can appreciate your feelings and am glad that both of you have talked about this.

Libido or sexual desire varies among individuals. Levels vary among the sexes. Generally, men have a high libido during their younger years, while women can peak past the age of 30.

Physical conditions can affect one's sex drive. Erectile dysfunction and medications have an impact.

Consider an appointment with your boyfriend's primary care physician to rule out a physiologic cause.

You mention that he hasn't been in a relationship for eight years. It is possible that the relationship left him with emotional scares, such a feeling sexually inadequate or vulnerable.

Consider seeking counseling with a professional trained in couple's counseling.


September 22, 2015 - 9:17am
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