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Relationship issues

By Anonymous September 22, 2011 - 11:53am
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I've always been having some issues in my relationship. Here's my story.
I've been dating this guy (2 years older than me) from high school (for 7 years now) and we've always had these family problems because my parents knew about him after 4 years of me dating him. The worse is that mine and his family know each other since we live in the same small town. Every thing went well until he graduated from university. Now he's unemployed (for 1 year already) and my dad is mentioning this to me all the time. Also his family has financial problems and it's not likely to pass them unless my bf gets a job. On the other hand, the situation is completely different in my family. I'm in a very prestigious university in my country, which my dad pays for it and our financial situation is very good, one more reason for my family to accuse me as being my bf's sponsor. Moreover, now I'm in my 4th year of studies and I'm planning to go out of the country for masters, smth that brings my relationship in an even worse situation because my bf can't come with me. Despite all these family and financial issues our relationship is great! I know that I can't find a better person...he loves me, he's caring, listens to what I say all the time, and after all the humiliations my dad has done to him he again says that he's only interested about me and my family is not a problem. I've had many fights with my bf because of these issues, I've even tried to break-up but it's impossible since he again comes after me begging to make up. I'm not very optimistic of my relationship as I know that he will never be able to create the same standard of living as I'm used in my dad's house. I'm afraid that my parents' words that I will never have a good life with him will haunt me all my life. So, two days ago I said him to break up and he said ok (the first time he accepted). I felt like the world was up in my head and I didn't have a reason to live for anymore, because I grew up with him and no one knows me better than him (I was 15 when we started dating and now I'm 22). In the next morning he came in my city where I study at 8 a.m. and we made up as always, because I can't see him suffering.

Our friends describe us as great couple ... made for each other and these are not reasons to ruin a relationship that lasted for so many years. Can you please give me some advice on what to do because I'm in great confusion!!

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post!

From your parents point of view - they are afraid that you will end up struggling to pay your bills and to live any kind of life. They want the best for you and you're in college in order to improve your chances even more so it's understandable that they have these worries.

From your boyfriend's perspective, he has been unemployed for a year. This isn't unusual these days and everyone knows someone who has lost a job or a home in the past few years. Since he has his degree already, this will hopefully be temporary and when both of you have your degrees and get jobs, life should really pick up for you, even if you have some struggles in between.

It's a shame if this economy breaks you up but you said you got back together with him after a break up (that only lasted half a day, really) because you couldn't stand to see him suffering. Don't stay with him because you have a long history with him and you pity him. Only stay with him if you love, admire and respect him and believe him to be your equal.

The decision is ultimately up to you. I do think it's a bit unfair for him to be tossed aside but he also needs to get some type of job, even if it's minimium wage. He'd be amazed how many degreed individuals are working retail, in call centers or as restaurant staff to make it through difficult times. Many people stuggle terribly in their 20s - only to do wonderfully later on in life. It comes down to hard work and grabbing every opportunity they can. Your boyfriend needs to try harder to get some kind of job so that his resume won't have big gaps in it. It looks far better to an employer to see a degreed person take any job to make ends meet and keep working, than to see big gaps because they wouldn't work for less money. Jobs are out there, even part-time ones. He needs to spend every day looking for work and that should be his full-time job for now. Working will also help him feel better about himself.

We cannot tell you exactly what to do but I hope my advice helps somewhat.


September 22, 2011 - 12:26pm
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