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Should I break up with my boyfriend?

By Anonymous April 12, 2013 - 12:13am
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I have been in a relationship and living together for about 6 years. We have a son together, age 5, and I have a daughter from a previous relationship, age 8. I have emotionally shut down and been this way for a while. I'm sort of indifferent with all things pertaining to him. It's really frustrating when you don't know how you feel and you can't make a final decision about anything.

He has a daughter from a previous marriage that he pays a lot of child support for so he doesn't bring home very much to help out with bills. Every once in a while he will pay 1 small bill or another, but most of the time he uses the money for things he wants/needs. But somehow he manages to save money from time to time, but will then ask to "borrow" money from me for something stupid. I say "borrow" because I have NEVER seen any of this money back. If I don't give it to him (which I have recently started doing), he gets EXTREMELY irritable and mean.

The main reason I am torn over this relationship is because we have a boy together. If we were to break up, he would move back to his home town (over 500 miles away) and my son would not have the relationship with him that he does today. But, my kids often tell me that he is mean and I have witnessed this myself as well.

I don't want to sound like he is a terrible person because he definitely can be nice to me and the kids. And we know each other soo well, it's scary. But he has a lot of financial debt and I don't see him getting out of it for a very long time, if at all. I would never marry him without him taking care of that stuff first. So, I often feel like I'm wasting time staying with him.

My biggest fear is that one day, I will wake up and be 50 and in the same position I am now. Any advice?

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EmpowHER Guest

hello i was too going through a very hard time with my ex boyfriend so i can understand how you feel but to be honest after a long time (11 years) i finally broke up with him because as you said that you are afraid of having to wake up when your 50 and be in the same position well 11 years later i was too at the same position so it was the time to give up however you should ask your children how they feel and what they want you sholudnt stop yourself from letting go if it becomes too much because someday this question will come why you didn`t let go and think about it this way that if your daughter can accept someone else as her dad then your son may too if you are not happy then the family won`t be as a women controls it so if you feel it is the time to move on then you should go ahead i am now currently in a new relationship and very happy so maybe theres something better out there waiting fr you hope that helps :)

April 15, 2013 - 2:35pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Anon,

Welcome to EmpowHER.  It all depends, if you still love this person to stay in a relationship with him.  The fact you have a child, doesn't mean you have to stay in the relationship. Especially, if your kids are seeing that he is a mean person with them or with you.  You are the only one that can know if this relationship is worth saving.  You might need to seek counseling from a therapist.  That will help you decide, what is best for you.



April 12, 2013 - 3:14am
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