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unsure if my partner finds me sexually attractive?

By July 7, 2010 - 2:56am
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we are realy good friends as well as lovers and have been together 10 yrs on and off and due to get married in oct, our sex life was always good and made me feel bonded with him, although i have only had 3 orgasms with him in those yrs i have never told him this as i didnt want to hurt him,when we first go together the sex went on for hours, now in the last fewyrs its 2 min max(hense the lack of orgasms) i have to fake it of course to save his feelings , he has tryed holding back ejaculation but he cant for very long?. but in the last few months even though we can have sex whenever he wants he will wait til im asleep and masterbates , i have confronted him about it and he just says that he doesnt wanna wake me? but im quite insulted and hurt by this , as we dont have sex very often maybe once a week which is hard as im quite sexually active , just feel a bit cheated by his masterbating because even though i dont orgasm with him its the bonding feeling , also when we do have sex it seems like he has to realy try hard to ejaculte like he realy has to concentrate , makes me feel realy unactractive to him? its weird? in our bedroom we have two teles and two ps3 as we are both gamers and both play online games at night, as we have 3 children im always the first to go to sleep because i have the children to sort the next day he rolls off the ps3 at about 3am and goes to work at 7.30am. this causes alot of problems as he is tired i have no sympathies for him as he brings it on himself staying up so late!. just want the closeness back? any advice welcolmed gratefullyxx

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Hi Smurfette

Have you looked through our site? We have tons and tons of discussion on this topic, and I bet reading it will give you some ideas: http://www.empowher.com/condition/sexual-well-being.

Many specialists say that you should not have video games in the bedroom or even a TV as is distracts a couple from paying attention to each other. It sounds like this issue may be a fair amount of your problem, along with the schedules you are on that don't quite seem to mesh.

The only real answer is to talk it out fully. Ask him what is going on with him and without interrupting, really listen to his answer. Sometimes couples counseling can help as well.

Read the discussions on this topic here on the site and I bet you'll get some ideas. Good luck to you.

July 8, 2010 - 6:47am
(reply to Cary Cook BSN RN)

hi ya thankyou for getting back to me so quickly , yes i will definetly look on the link , but as you mentioned about gaming equiptment now i think about it it has got worse sinse we brought them! thanks again xxxxxx

July 8, 2010 - 12:01pm
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