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ask: What does it mean when my boyfriend says he wants to see what life is like without me in it?

By Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years, we have a fantastic relationship, never fight or argue and enjoy each other's company. We are both approaching 26 and know sometime soon we have to settle down, although we openly talk about getting married and having kids without a problem, i know he is getting nervous! What troubles me the most is that he suddenly out of no where, told me he wants 2 weeks out to experience what life would be like without me in it. He says he loves me very much, he knows he thinks about me 24/7 but is just curious. We are still boyfriend/girlfriend but he just wants 2 weeks to himself without contact....what does this mean? am i just reading too much into? maybe he just want to be sure this relationship is the one?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am 42 with 7 yr old daug. my bf is 26. We have been together for 5 years. I met him in college. We love each other. He says I am a good women and that He loves me but wants to take break from our relationship, No calls no texting. No IM that he needs to see if he really needs me in his life.

January 1, 2012 - 10:50pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I need some help here too. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 7 years. We had great time in the first two years at school. After that, we both work, and we just like every couple had some fights, arugments, and disagreements, but we never had time off during 6 years. Something was turned very bad this year when I asked him how he felt about me and our relationship and marriage. First, he said he still loves me and will consider marriage. Then, each time we met he act differently and said things worse and worse. Finally, he told me that we had no sparks and passions in this relationship. I was so sad and mad, I was blaming and angry. I did not know that actually killed last attractions he had to me. We decided to take temporate time off, so I went back home for 3 and half months. We have not met since last June about half year and talked four times during the time. Finally, we met becasue he tried to help me to fix my computer. He told me that my computer was so slower and not worth to fix. So, he bought new computer for me and set everything up. He told me that we are family and I am his BF. He does not want lose me, but he needs to experience life without me in order to moving the relationship forward (marriage or something). He still wants to talk to me because I am the only one person can understand him. He likes companionship with me. Basically, He wants to keep me as family member. He also told me that he did not date anyone during our time apart. He thinks it is better to tell me before he is dating someone. He told me he still cares about me a lot amd thinks about we can go Las Vegas, Haiwaii, and Shanghai together. I asked him if he was over me or not. He said he did not know. This time has no crying, blaming, and judging. I let him go for good, but I still have feelings for him.
Just want to know by your experience is that possible he comes back to me or still has feelings for me? Do you guys have some thoughts and advice on it ? Any comfort will be appreciated.
Thanks!

December 11, 2010 - 11:08am
diannadahlgren

i think your bf wants to see what it is like to be with out you. if you are still in his mind in 2 weeks he knows u are the one if not, then im thinking he will want to part ways

August 8, 2010 - 12:59am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi

I need some advice please. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 2years. I am 28 and my BF is 26. I had noticed him a little distant and he has been going out alot more, with his single friend who has just returned from travelling the world. Alot of our friends have got engaged and are getting married and during the week, I called him to say we needed to talk about our relationship. He came to my house straight away and we talked. He said he loves me no matter what i think, but he lately felt he was missing out on single life, when out with his single friend. (just that one friend in particular) we had a good talk and he said he would distant himself from that friend. He also said he felt under pressure to get married and that i was way to good for him. I let him no that i dont want to get married yet myself! which I dont, and if there was ever talk of the future it was always him bringing it up. After the chat he said he felt much better and his head was clearer. I also said to him if he wanted to be single he could go, cause i wasnt going to be in a r/ship with someone who didnt want to be in it, but i was prepared to fight for him this time as I do no him. He also recently met with his birth Mum and I know he has a lot of things going on in his head. He said he just felt really unsettled. Since the Talk he has seemed to come back to me! I have asked him a couple of times how he feels now and he says fine, i know i have to stop asking him. I am also a very jealous person and due to a previous r/ship i have real trust issues so since this talk i feel really insecure even more than i have had and very unsettled. What if he realises in a couple of months again he doesnt want to be in a relationship. Is this normal in relationships to have a wee wobble or to have those feelings? Oh i just feel terrible and slightly depressed! Help plz

August 1, 2010 - 1:13am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Totally agree!

You can't stop the two week break so give yourself one too!

I still think two weeks isn't going to do a darn thing in terms of showing a person life without someone else but hey - stranger things have happened, I guess!

Let us know his reaction after the two weeks but I'd also love to know how YOU do!

June 2, 2010 - 11:06am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Thanks both for your opinions!

Just come back to let you know what happened. My boyfriend actually texted me before the 2 weeks were up and told me he missed me and it was weird to not have me around. He said at first it was fun because he went out with his mates, chilled out but then when he got back home and was by himself and as days went on, he realized how much he missed me! So everything is back to normal with us, it almost feels like we didn't have that time off.

I actually did a few things in those 2 weeks, i joined the gym, met up with a few old friends, but i did miss him loads and was really happy when i heard from him, because i just hoped he missed me as much as i did missed him.

Thanks again for your advice!

June 12, 2010 - 2:36pm
Diane Porter (reply to Anonymous)

Anon,

I'm really glad to hear this, too. Sounds like the "break" turned out exactly as we'd all hoped. Enjoy the gym, I think that was an awesome thing to do! And I'm with Susan -- the girls' and guys' nights out need to be worked into the regular routine!!

June 14, 2010 - 10:09am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Well....well, well, well! Great update!

What a great two weeks you both had then! You both got to see a little life without each other and you both missed each other - kind of a perfect combination!

I'm so glad things are working out and honestly - I think both of you should have an all-girl and all-guy night out every two weeks or so, so that you can still have some friend-time and yet have each other to come home to. Sound like a plan?
Susan

June 12, 2010 - 3:00pm
Diane Porter

Anon,

In addition to Susan's great advice, I want an explanation of exactly what the two weeks would entail. Are there ground rules? Two weeks "without you in it" -- does this mean he wants to be free to date or see other people during these two weeks? Go out with the guys and flirt with girls at bars? Act "single" ? I would be sure you know exactly what he's requesting here. A two-week break isn't a big deal if he considers himself still in a monogamous relationship, but if he literally wants two "free" weeks I am more worried.

May 31, 2010 - 1:55pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

Hello Both, thanks for your advice Susan, i really appreciate it, i will definitely take your advice on cooling it with the marriage talk, i think it is wise to wait for him on this!

Hi Diane, well from when we last spoke he said he wanted some time off to just see what life would be like if we never met. He says he is happy that we are together (when we first met, dating was never on the agenda, we were just two mates hanging out, so it was a bit unexpected that we started dated) We are still boyfriend/girlfriend and he did say we are not dating other people. From what i think he means is that he wants to do his normal routine, go work, go out with mates, chill out, by himself. i don't know whether the relationship was getting too serious that he needed some time to step back and think. What confuses me is that he has re-assured me that we are fine but then why the need to want some time alone. We don't even live together, so we spend the weekends together, so its not even like i'm always in his pockets. Thanks for your time Diane!

June 1, 2010 - 1:22am
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