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What happened to our sex life?

By May 12, 2010 - 10:28am
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My boyfriend of 6 months seems to have lost interest in sex. When we first met, we couldn't keep our hands off it each other. That's slowly been dying down and now we've had sex only once in the past month. He told me once he tends to be less sexual after the beginning of a relationship, but I didn't realize it would be this extreme. We're only in our 20s so I feel like we should still be in our sexual prime. I have no complaints about other aspects our relationship- we've been getting closer emotionally and he's actually very physically affectionate, as long as it's not sexual. In fact he consistently chooses cuddling over sex. I just think it's unsual because he's usually a very sexual guy- he's been with a LOT of women before me and early in our relationship he was very sexually aggressive. I guess I'm afraid our relationship is losing passion and he's getting bored with me. I tried to bring it up to him and he said he's happy with the way things are...should I bring it up again? Assume it's just fizzling out? I don't know what to do!

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Elle88

Thanks for your post!

I would certainly hope that a new couple of 6 months, and in their 20s, should not assume sex is fizzling out and to just accept it as a milestone in your relationship. 6 months is still very new in a relationship and a distinct lack of sex is quite concerning. Even if he admits this is his way of doing things, it doesn't sound like it's your way! And if both of you aren't happy, none of you will be.

One thing you said stands out to me. He has had "a LOT of" sexual relationships before you and yet is only in his 20s. He has a pattern of highly sexual behavior with the new woman in his life, that then fades quite quickly. It seems he is merely living up to his reputation. He may not be a bad guy, but he's a 'love 'em and leave 'em' kind of guy who is not invested in long term relationships. I don't want to sound negative, but you many simply be one in a very long line of women and his patterns are being repeated with you.

It's time for you to make a decision based on your needs and wants, not his. Talk to him - ask him if he sees a future with you. I know it's early days but I think that's an appropriate question after 6 months.

Don't try to change him or think you'll be the one to tame him. Too many women believe they are the special one and spend years on the back burner to find out they were never anyone that special to him.

Ask him these key questions and be gentle and non-defensive. But get some answers and make a decision as to whether you are wasting your time or if this relationship has sustainability. Be prepared to face the fact that he's doing what he has always done and is now doing it to you too.

However, every relationship can be worked and saved, as long as both parties want it to!

Please update us, Elle, and we wish you the very best-

May 12, 2010 - 12:35pm
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