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A little bit of back story. I'm 24 and my partner is 40. I'm not being conceited but I am a very attractive girl. I'm slim, blonde, not up myself but very confident. I used to have a VERY adventurous sex life and my partner new this when we got together. We've been dating for 3 years and have lived together for just over a year and a half now. And for maybe the last year of that he just doesn't want to have sex with me. My appearance hasn't changed, if anything I have got better as my diet is better and I now have more money to spend on looking after myself. I try and arouse him, I play with him in bed, he lets me suck him off so I know he is attracted to me but it always end there. I'm always the one who initiates sex and unless I jump on top and literally take what I want then he never even looks at me. He has walked in on me playing with myself and doesn't bat an eyelid. I walk around him touching him and stroking his arm in just tiny little knickers. Still he acts as if it's totally normal and I'm fully clothed. It's ruining me. I've lost so much confidence to the point where I don't like looking at myself in the mirror anymore. All I see are the things he mustn't like about my body and my face otherwise he would want to have sex with me again. I try and convince myself that I'm still strong and confident but every time I try and start sex or if I try to seduce him or even going as far as asking him to have sex with me. He just shoots me down and it kills me inside and makes me feel not good enough. I just don't know what to do or how to approach telling him without hurting his feelings but I can't carry on like this at all but I don't want to leave him. Someone please just give me some advice any advice or anything similar situation wise I can't be the only one who feels this way.
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Hello Anon
Thank you for writing and I'm sorry you are going through a difficult patch in your relationship.
We talk to many woman who give us a list of their size, eye color, hair color and general attractiveness to somehow show that it shouldn't be possible for them to not attract a male and believe me, one's looks are often the last reason.
Stop performing oral sex on a man who will not reciprocate and stop pottering around in sexy clothes and doing sex acts on yourself to attract him. That is beneath any woman and causes self-humiliation which is what's happening with you. This totally takes away any of your dignity. You're not a prostitute - there is more to you than sexy knickers and being blonde. Your boyfriend should be attracted to your mind, heart and soul and not just your body.
The only way you can know what's going on is to ask your boyfriend his thoughts about this. He knows you are doing everything to attract him, he's just ignoring it. Why - is a mystery. Tell him you miss your intimacy - that you want his physical and emotional love, just like any woman in a relationship. What he says and does will let you know more. It's a tough conversation to have but make it's a loving one and ask him to open up to you. Otherwise you will continue to self-blame which is not going to help at all. Some honest answers are needed from him. He does know what's going on - he's aware of everything but is avoiding the inevitable fall-out. Time to bring this out in the open.
September 5, 2017 - 3:04pmGood luck and don't forget to love yourself first!
Susan
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