Are you focusing too much on orgasm, and not enough on sex, pleasure, or intimacy?
Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex--and How to Get It
Book Excerpt, Page 5:
My patients want sex to be “natural” and “spontaneous,” to “just happen.” Many reject the idea of putting effort into creating adult sex, so they just retreat into adolescent sex—affairs, romance novels, Internet chat, constant pornography, low desire.
But it’s time for us all to grow up and relearn how to experience our sexuality. It’s time for Sexual Intelligence.
The Sexual Intelligence perspective predicts and explains some of the key features of contemporary sexuality:
- Why Viagra doesn’t help a lot of people, even though it gives them erections;
- Why learning new positions doesn’t improve frustrating sex;
- Why desire problems are the most common issue people bring to sex therapy;
- Why desire problems are sex therapy’s unresolved treatment challenge;
- Why internet porn use has risen astronomically, and why so many people make or enjoy amateur porn;
- Why most people feel so bad when they’re sexually dissatisfied
Sexual Intelligence allows us to use sexuality to express ourselves authentically. We can have sex without it, of course, but the sex won’t necessarily reflect who we are (or think we are). When we are sexually dissatisfied, we typically don’t look at our deficient Sexual Intelligence. We try to fix the wrong things—erections, orgasm, lubrication, an aging body—but even if these fixes are successful, that usually doesn’t make the sex more enjoyable. It’s like trying to teach a pig to sing: you ultimately don’t accomplish that you want, and it mostly just annoys the pig.
Sexual Intelligence is what gets you from adolescent sex to adult sex. It’s what gets you from hormone-driven sex to sex that you choose. It’s what gets you from “sex has to validate me” to “I validate my sexuality.” It’s what allows you to adapt sex to yourself, instead of you adapting.
"This book is a practical plan to improve your relationship with your sexuality. Klein liberates and provokes--and shows the way to change your sexual experience for the good." - Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity
Learn more about the book: http://alturl.com/tqh39.
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