Sometimes the best advice is the advice you've heard a million times in your head; I've never been the over-confident type while growing up. In junior high I was made fun of constantly because I had horrible acne and a really bad haircut. It was horrible, trying to go by everyday with a smile, when inside I wanted to cry; I didn't have too many friends and my parents were also in the middle of a divorce. I really had no one to talk to about how I was feeling or how I could change my appearance to help myself feel more confident. So the summer before going into my freshmen year of high school I came up with a plan; I was going to act like I was pretty, show that I was confident and be more outgoing no matter how hard it was. I knew this would be extremely difficult considering I didn't even think I was pretty, I had no self confidence in myself and on top of it all I was very shy because of being put down so much for the past two years; but I knew if I did these things then I could eventually truly feel this way about myself. So the day of truth was finally approaching, I went to school acting as if I was the most beautiful girl there with all the confidence in the world; and believe it or not, it worked. When I acted as though I was happy and confident people wanted to get to know me; good vibes or even a friendly smile can give people a different perspective on how they feel about you when they're around you. I forced myself to interact with people, even my classmates I didn't know who just sat next to me. I wanted to scratch the things out of my life that had made me miserable when I was younger. As for now I'm a high school graduate attending college, I have so many friends 100x more then I had when I didn't feel as though I wasn't good enough to have people want to be my friend. I wake up every single day and look in the mirror and remind myself of how beautiful I am, even if I'm not looking as great as I think I could, because it's your confidence that people look at, if every person told you were ugly but you looked right back at them and told them no you are wrong, I am beautiful just the way I am, then that person is the one who is not confident in themselves and they feel as though they have to bring down others to make themselves feel better; I've never brought another person down for the way they look and I know that I never will, some of the most beautiful individuals I have met are the ones no one else chooses to see. Everyone can change their life, you have to want and strive and work hard at it, things just don't happen by themselves or overnight, and as Abraham Lincoln once said, "Whatever you are, be a good one." and I'm planning on doing just that!
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Awesome! Self-esteem and body image go hand-in-hand, and many of us still have inner battles with these!
If you ever need a pick-me-up, here are a few online sites that are great for those low self-esteem and low body-image days:
About-Face
http://www.about-face.org/
Campaign for Real Beauty
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com
I hope we hear more from you, it is great for all of us to read. I am wondering: do you use music to help feel empowered and beautiful? There are so many songs that I call "strong woman" songs that make you feel invincible and beautiful. :-)
June 5, 2008 - 1:56pmThis Comment
Your story can serve as a model for others battling self esteem issues. There are many steps a parent can take to help their sons or daughters develop self esteem:
* Be generous with praise. Parents must develop the habit of looking for situations in which children are doing good jobs, displaying talents, or demonstrating positive character traits. Remember to praise children for jobs well done and for effort.
* Teach positive self-statements. It is important for parents to redirect children's inaccurate or negative beliefs about themselves and to teach them how to think in positive ways.
* Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame. Blame and negative judgments are at the core of poor self-esteem and can lead to emotional disorders.
* Teach children about decisionmaking and to recognize when they have made good decisions. Let them "own" their problems. If they solve them, they gain confidence in themselves. If you solve them, they'll remain dependent on you. Take the time to answer questions. Help children think of alternative options.
* Show children that you can laugh at yourself. Show them that life doesn't need to be serious all the time and that some teasing is all in fun. Your sense of humor is important for their well-being.
Source: National Health Information Center, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
June 4, 2008 - 9:26amThis Comment