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My husband seems to be going off me

By October 14, 2010 - 3:28pm

Im 20 years old and my husband and i have only been married 3 months, he's in the british army and it already feels like he's going off me!!

I feel like i have to ask him for permission to have sex with him, and my sex drive seems to be much higher than his. I can never resist him because the only time i feel truly close to him is when we're having sex.

I've tried talking to him about it but he just falls asleep and I feel like im wasting my time.
He's at work all day and i completely understand that his job comes with a lot of pressure and the last thing he wants is a nagging wife when he comes home.
I've asked him if he's going off me and he says that he isnt and its not like that, but as each day passes the less affectionate and passionate he is.
Before we were married he couldn't get enough of me and now its all changed all of a sudden and im struggling to get used to it. Women have their needs and desires too!
He was posted to Germany last year so when we got married me and my daughter moved out here with him so i've completely given everything up my dance career, my family, my friends everything and sometimes i feel like he doesn't appreciate me, im at home all day with my daughter i do the cooking and cleaning, I even got up the other morning at half past 6 to sew a badge onto his work uniform because he forgot to the previous evening and i just feel like im doing everthing for him and he's giving nothing back
On the other hand i dont know if its me being needy and clingey because i have nothing else in my life anymore, im going out of my mind and i dont know what 2 do with myself, I really need some advice im desperate!!!

By October 22, 2010 - 12:24pm

So glad it worked out for you. Congrats! I know it probably wasn't easy, but now you know--isn't it a wonderful thing?
Hope you and your hubby remain happy for a long, long time.

October 22, 2010 - 12:24pm
By October 22, 2010 - 7:22am

I did it, i sat him down and spoke to him, I told him exactly how I felt, and it turns out he was feeling the same, and didnt know how to express the weay he felt to!!
We're back on track and everything is back to the way it was when we first got married!!
Thanks for all the advice and tips!! Our marriage is saved and its also nice to know im not the only one who suffers from these problems!! xxxxxxxx

October 22, 2010 - 7:22am
By HERWriter Guide October 21, 2010 - 7:37am

Harveys mrs

Thanks for your postings. It does seem very unusual that as soon as you get married, your husband shuts down and also refuses sex.

You should not have to bed for sex or be forced to complain about things - this is humiliating for any woman. I understand that his work is stressful but he is not deployed so probably has no more than a 10 hour day - I think he needs to spend more time with his family than avoiding them.

When you say you try to talk to him and he just falls asleep, what does this mean exactly? Do you sit with him and he suddenly falls over from sleep? I'm not sure if this is happening for real so the next time you are spending time at home together (when you daughter is napping or down for the night) and talk to him about your relationship. Don't allow him any excuses (he's tired, he has something else to do, there is a show he wants to watch) because this is more important than any of that.

Don't be defensive or too aggressive (and I'm sure you won't be!) but be firm. You have the right to a happy marriage and being along like this is very isolating and depressing. Please be firm but kind about this but make sure he listens to you.

October 21, 2010 - 7:37am
By October 15, 2010 - 1:16am

It does, it feels awful, I feel sick everyday, I dread getting up because I know I have to get up and face it everyday!!
I've tried everything, I've tried talking to him, that hasnt worked, I've tried putting it down to me being silly and needy, and that didnt do me any favours either!!
I just dont know what 2 do 2 save what we have, because what we do have is so worth saving!! I have so much love for him and I wonder why he doesnt feel the same as i do!!
Thismorning was the worst though, he barely kissed me before he left for work this morning and he didnt say "I love you" when he left, which he always does!! So now I feel like im in really big trouble here, I really dont know what else I can do to fix it!! Im desperate for an answer!
I wouldn't normally let someone walk over me like this, because i feel like a doormat to be honest and i dont normally let this happen, im normally a strong and independant peron, so I think until I can fix me, I cant fix us!!

October 15, 2010 - 1:16am
By October 14, 2010 - 5:05pm

hi im 19 and I know what your going through. i have the same issue. it hurts my feelings to know that he does not want anything to do with me. he denies that anything is wrong. but i still question it because i am highly concerned about our realationship especially because we just had a baby boy about 4 months ago. I did not receive any weight gain or stretchmarks from my pregnancy and i weigh 119 pounds so i dont think it is the way i look. I have asked him if he isnt attracted to me anymore and he says it is not that. It is so difficault because i try and try and give it my everything to make him happy. I love him so much and it hurts me so bad to know that he doesnt want any intamacy at all in our relationship. we have been together for almost 4 years and our sexlife was amazing but we have not done anything for over a year now and i mean nothing. I try to kiss him on the cheek , hug him, cuddle him , any of that he just pushes me away. I dont know what to do. I cry everyday hoping something would change because my feelings are so crushed from this.

October 14, 2010 - 5:05pm

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