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My man just doesnt want to have sex with me...please help

By April 24, 2011 - 5:49pm

I have been back together with my bf since November. Got pregnant very quickly. I am 15 weeks right now. We were first together when I was 15 years old. He was 20. He was my first. We were together for a few years. But it did not work out at the time. When we first got back together. We had sex every day. In fact we vowed to continue to do so to make up for lost time together. I got pregnant not long after. I'm 15 weeks right now. It is something we both wanted and although it was not planned we took no precautions to prevent it. I have not gained alot of weight. I'm 5_2 125 lbs including the small amount of added baby weight. But our sex life is dwindling fast. I do everything I can. There is not much I wouldn't be willing to do to keep him satisfied. I have tried talking to him but he gets defensive. He says we have too much to do to just lay around together wasting time. But that hasn't stopped him from sitting in front of his computer for hours playing WoW. Please tell me what to do. It is just too soon for our sex life to fall apart. I feel unwanted, unattractive.

By April 25, 2011 - 10:08am

Hi 34vegasgirl,
This is a cruel joke of pregnancy isn't it? All the hormones raging, confusion, amped sexual drive in the second trimester, and your man is no-where to be found. He's on his computer, or at work hiding from the fact he's going to be a father in 25 weeks (or just mildly freaking out). He may not even realize it--pregnancy is a wake up call for the woman from the moment she find out she's pregnant, and for the man, sometimes it takes a bit longer, sometimes 9 months!
He may not realize what you're going through. I used to have a book my Mom sent my husband when I was first pregnant called, "She's Having a Baby, and I'm Having a Nervous Breakdown." All you can do is talk with him (in a loving way, not accusing), and try to explain where you're at emotionally, and what you need. If he gets defensive, say, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm attacking you, I'm just struggling to connect with you, and I'm having trouble. I need your help."
Ask him if he's even a little bit scared about becoming a father. Tell him how you feel about it. Ask him what he thinks needs to get done. Make a plan to get those things done, or at least get a list going so you're on the same page, and can stop worrying about it.
I totally get where you are. Feeling unwanted and unattractive...hang on. You're in the "I just feel fat" stage. It will get better according to my own experience. Hope you are having a relatively easy pregnancy. It may help you to join a pregnancy support group, and put down the pregnancy books at home or talk about something other than the pregnancy for a minute so you both can catch your breath and enjoy your time alone together this summer before the baby comes. Go see a movie, take in a concert, eat out--do all those things you won't be able to do as easily when the baby comes. Do what you love to do together,and don't forget to take time to take care of yourself and take time for yourself and your girlfriends. Good luck, and hope this helps!
Take care,

April 25, 2011 - 10:08am

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