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With Cancer, Looking to the Future as a New Godmother

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The no sleep thing is starting to show! It seems that every night I get up around 1am and like a zombie head towards the computer, start researching, blogging, reading message boards, etc.

Then I find myself waking up a couple of hours later sitting at the table. I have GOT to get outta this habit! Looking at some of the photos we took today you can tell the no sleep is starting to show and affect my day to day. I was tired again all day today and each time I got in the car could barely keep my eyes open.

Today, we dropped Keira off at the airport and then headed to Rosanna & Eric’s for Magnus’s baptism. Can you believe it? I am now officially a godmother! The entire time in the church I was fighting to stay awake…it was blistering hot and humid inside. Even the kids were sweating profusely.

Months ago Rosanna had mentioned that she wanted me to be the godmother of Magnus and then brought it up again when I was in the hospital and wanted to plan an actual date for the baptism. I was immediately emotional because the first thought that crossed my mind was “how can I be a godmother when I don’t even know if I will be around to see him go to preschool? Who is going to be there when he has his first big game or prom date? What about when he’s sick? I want to be the best godmother ever and it just killed me to think of the negative possibilities that may arise. I remember specifically that day lying in the hospital, I had a CT Scan and told the technician about my thoughts, I was really upset.

Today, those thoughts never crossed my mind and each time I looked at Magnus, I just couldn’t help but smile and think about how innocent and new he was to this world. He has his whole life ahead of him and doesn’t even know what good & bad lies ahead. This child has to be the happiest baby I have ever seen. Each time he looks at you he has the biggest smile and wide eyes with long eyelashes I have seen. It makes me just so happy to have the pleasure to be around these kids and have them as part of my life. The pure, unadorned way they have makes me really have a new way of looking at things.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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