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I Will Survive: Life After Miscarriage

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Miscarriage related image Photo: Getty Images

As the doctor looked at the sonogram screen, his brow furrowed and I knew something was wrong. He continued to move the wand around, as though he was looking for something elusive. Finally, he told me the pregnancy wasn’t viable. At first I refused to believe it. Wasn’t it possible that we’d gotten the dates wrong, or that he just hadn’t looked hard enough? Couldn’t he do a hormone level test to be sure? I wanted to blame somebody, because this certainly couldn’t be happening to me. I’d just shared our good news, and everyone was so excited about this baby! My husband’s expression was a mix of sympathy and sorrow. I thought I would melt away.

We returned home, where a friend was waiting with a congratulatory stack of pregnancy and parenting books. All I could do was shake my head.

What could possibly have gone wrong? No one in my family had miscarried, I thought, believing this sort of thing was genetic. (It’s not.) I racked my brain to figure out what I might have done to cause this. (Nothing at all.) Then I crumpled up, ready to disappear.

Over the next several weeks, I heard from countless women about their own or their family members’ miscarriages. I was stunned. Why had I never known that other women close to me had been through this? And I even had family members who’d miscarried, despite my previous beliefs. While hearing others’ empathetic stories, I couldn’t help but wonder, Why didn’t anybody tell me this before? Why don’t women talk about this? Why is miscarriage such a taboo subject?

Miscarriage is defined as any pregnancy that ends spontaneously before a fetus is able to survive. As many as 75 percent of women trying to conceive experience miscarriage in early pregnancy (in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy), though some women who miscarry in the first month after conception don’t ever know they were pregnant. About 5 percent of women experience two miscarriages in a row, and 1 percent have three or more consecutive miscarriages.

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EmpowHER Guest

I'm so glad I came across this...its comforting to know I am not alone. I also take comfort in the fact that life will go on, even if it doesn't feel like it will just yet

September 17, 2015 - 2:28pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

what makes the miscarriage more difficult is the insensitivity of the people around you. They keep talking that children are gift from God and that you could do nothing but wait so it means i am not gifted with that and there's something wrong with me.The most insensitive thing they have said is Try again, as if it is a game that when you lose you can play again, as easy as that. Miscarriage is truly a private grief that no one could understand unless they have been through it also.

April 2, 2016 - 5:54pm
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.


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