The End of Breastfeeding: Depression After Weaning
I snap at my husband when he tries to use a certain coffee cup. I grit my teeth at my kids when I hear them fighting with each other. I look at my baby drinking whole milk out of a sippy cup and I burst into tears. It is 6:40 a.m. on a Monday and it has been two days since I quit breastfeeding.
It was days away from my son’s first birthday and I began to wean him. I took plenty of time and started by just dropping one feeding a day. About three or four days later, I dropped another one. The transition was very smooth. It was easier to stop breastfeeding my son than I thought it would be. I wasn't expecting that it would be worse for me than him.
It was sometime around when I started dropping feedings that I felt different. I was sad and I didn’t know why. I was irritable and seemed to have less patience than usual. I finally admitted to a close friend how I was feeling.
She told me that I was not alone and she had also experienced sadness shortly after her baby’s first birthday. After talking to her doctor, she found out that it was common for women to experience some depression after weaning due to a shift in hormone levels.
It feels like the worst PMS that I have ever experienced. Emotionally, I feel like I did right around the time when I became pregnant. As I researched this topic, I found that it was more common than I knew. Every entry, blog or question on this topic sounded just like what I was experiencing. It is helpful to know that I am not alone.
If you recently quit breastfeeding and seem to be experiencing feelings like this, TALK TO SOMEONE. Remember to take care of yourself as well as your children.
We value and respect the experiences of all of our HERWriters, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.
Add a Comment22 Comments
Hi, Susan,
Thank you for posting this. It's very important for women to hear. I am writing a book about breastfeeding for Random House. I would like to talk to you about quoting this. Can you please contact me? My email is dwest@bfar.org.
Diana West, IBCLC
July 8, 2009 - 10:01amThis Comment
I can understand your sadness! My son weaned naturally when I was pregnant with my second child and even though it was a truly natural weaning and he was just over 2 I had a couple of teary moments.
All I would say is that if your son was not ready to wean he would not be happy about it and would be sure to let you know, so please feel peaceful if you can.
So much emphasis with breastfeeding is on the baby (rightly so in many instances) and so the fact that it is a very powerful and symbiotic relationship, affecting both the mother and the baby (equally I would say) is often overlooked.
I would also add that there is no 'right' time to wean. This is pure speculation, but a natural weaning may help the hormone levels adjust better/more slowly etc. Just a thought!
It's wonderful that you were able to nurture your son in such a special way and for so long too. He is a very lucky boy!
Katie
July 8, 2009 - 2:10pmIt's an emotional time when you decide to stop feeding. I am sure the hormones, tiredness and unwanted advice don't help either! My sadness on weaning was with my last child. I knew that would be the last time I would breast feed and it seemed so final. I love the fact that I was able to breastfeed my children and feel lucky for it!
July 8, 2009 - 6:26pmMy kids were weaned long before their first birthdays; and I had the advantage of being able to work from home while they were all little ones, so it wasn't a matter of having to rush them off to daycare. I agree that there is probably no "right" time to wean, as that is a personal decision. One of my friends nursed her son for 3 years (yes, 3), which I thought was totally ridiculous. But, it was her decision.
July 8, 2009 - 7:03pmMany, many mothers, American and world wide, nurse until 3 and beyond. There is absolutely nothing ridiculous about it. It may not have been the right decision for you, but there is no need to put negative labels on others' decisions that have no impact on you.
July 9, 2009 - 9:11amThanks so much. I came across this while researching depression after weaning. I gradually dropped my 9 month old's feedings, but quit for good last Wednesday due to weeks of biting issues. I wasn't ready, but we couldn't get past it, and I had already quit pumping at work, so my supply couldn't take much of a hit. The past few days, I've been SO short-tempered. My husband is at his wits end wondering why I'm so unhappy and snappy. Today is the worst day! I'm sad. So sad. I feel empty. I can't shake it and I could cry at the drop of a hat. I feel tired and alone. Depressed. It's awful. I know this has to be it because it's so NOT normal for me. I just hope it doesn't last long.
July 15, 2009 - 11:32amYou are not alone! Today is the first day that I am feeling "back." I also pray that it doesn't last long for you. I think it was almost 2 weeks for me. I went to the gym today and the exercise seemed to help me too. I encourage you to talk to a supportive friend about how you are feeling. You may be surprised to find how many women go through this. Give yourself a break from daily chores that might feel overwelming and try to treat yourself to things that make you happy. That is what seemed to work for me to get through the sad days. I told my husband that my mood was being affected by a shift in my hormone levels and that the crazy lady living inside me would hopefully go away soon! He laughed and that helped. If it begins to feel worse, please call your doctor! I wish you the best and would like to hear from you again!
July 15, 2009 - 3:39pmHi Susan - thank you so much for your comments. I have been scouring the internet trying to find out why I am feeling so depressed, moody, teary, snappish, overwhelmed, angry and generally unable to cope. My children are 6 and 3 and it has been approx a month since I weaned our 3yo (I breastfed our 6yo for 2 years). So for the past 7 years I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding and for the most part having a wonderful life. Until tonight I have been perplexed about why my world feels as though it is suddenly falling apart around me. I am now quite sure this is attributable to weaning. The weaning happened to be quite speedy - almost overnight (both 3yo and I were comfortable with the decision) so the hormonal changes would be dramatic. I feel comfortable going to an acupuncturist or similar to help me through the next few months now that I know what the probable cause is. Your honesty has saved me many days/weeks/months of heartache. Blessings, Nicol x
July 23, 2009 - 4:43amI am glad to hear it. Thanks for your comment and take care of yourself. Best of luck!
July 23, 2009 - 7:40amI am so glad to hear Im not alone! I have just weaned my 16 month old this week she actually weaned herself ,I have tried to nurse her and she laughs and bits me (she never bit me before) I know she is healthy and old enough to be weaned but I nursed my son untill he was 3years old so this is so different to me he didnt really want to stop even then..I have been so depressed a feel like I am going to cry if I even think about it I dont want to do anything but stay home I kindof feel like Im in a daze and I hate it it feels like it will never go away even though I know it will... I am going to give it alittle more time and then I think I will go to the Dr. and try some medication to help get me through this.I so miss the bond I felt from nursing but this is way beyond that.Thanks for sharing ...Beth
July 15, 2009 - 8:54pm