What Amount of Fear is Healthy?

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In 1984, a man walked into a McDonald’s with three firearms and began shooting the customers that were innocently eating inside. He randomly shot at men, women and children. In 77 minutes he wounded 19 people and killed 21 others, ranging from the age of 8 months to 74 years old. I was 12 when this event occurred and although I wasn’t aware of most of the horrific details, I had heard about it and was terrified to eat out at any restaurant. I can remember having nightmares night after night of hiding under tables in restaurants in hopes of surviving a crazy person with a gun. I didn’t know at 12, that the fear of potential danger would multiply when I became a mother.

Three tragic and disturbing events that happened recently have been consuming my thoughts since they occurred. First, the Tucson shooting outside a grocery store horrified me, as it did the rest of the world. Second, a mall that I frequently go to with my children was evacuated and put on lock down in the middle of the afternoon as a robbery suspect with a gun rushed inside after firing at officers. Third, a friend of mine told me that a woman she knows was walking with her young children in a mall parking lot (the same mall that had been on lock down), when she was attacked with a blow to her head with the handle of a pistol, as a means of a female gang initiation. If I was at any of these scenes, I do not know what I would have done.

My true fear comes from the places that these crimes occur. Everyone needs food. We all go to grocery stores. The mall and the area surrounding it is a nice area with upscale stores and restaurants. I never before wondered as my laughing children and I left the mall after enjoying shopping at the Lego Store, Nordstrom, or Barnes and Noble, if we could be attacked as we walked to our car. If I were knocked out, my toddler wouldn’t know enough to stay away from cars that are backing out or driving. How can I keep my kids safe I am injured? No, those were not things that I thought about as I chatted with my boys, sipped my latte and carried my bags. But I think about it now.

Once again, my sleep is filled with nightmares, only I do not worry about myself. I wake up with sweaty skin and my heart pounding because in the dreams, I cannot protect my kids from danger. This is obviously not healthy fear. I cannot let it keep me from going places or allowing my children to leave the house. That is the second part of the true fear for me; the inability to control what happens to you as a result of the actions of others. It is inconceivable to me how any person could commit such violent acts. I don’t understand it and I fear it.

Unwilling to live my life in constant fear of potential danger to my children, I strive to teach them caution in all situations in the hopes of instilling “healthy fear.” Things like, “always look both ways for cars but do not be afraid to cross the street.” The messages that I teach, I will hopefully be able to follow.

Please, always stay aware of your surroundings. Don’t be too busy to notice who is around you or your car. Listen to your intuition. When I experienced a feeling that something seemed wrong, looking back, it usually was. Many times we try not to listen to the “voice” inside that warns us for fear of being paranoid or silly.

I would like to be cautious with some amount of healthy fear without living scared.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.