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Booty Call Nightmare

 
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I didn't know what it was for the longest time. I'm not sure anyone does until they either
a) decide to make one or
b) receive one but, essentially, the "booty call" is a call for no-strings-attached sex, like, sex without expectations of a relationship, a date, or, in some cases, even conversation.

I'm not saying it doesn't have its place in the pantheon of human sexuality and need. Non-committal, easy going sex is fun; it can be lighthearted, even healing!
But a booty call situation can easily turn into a nightmare if one or both of the adventurers develops feelings beyond the playful, quickie tempo of the booty call. As human beings, we are hardwired for emotion; we attach and bond as a matter of course. Of course we've always historically put women in the role of the bonded and attached and the "player" male in the role of her wounder. But the roles are stereotyped, outdated even. Women can play the field with other women and with men, as can men with each other and women. Sometimes there is simply a misunderstanding "I thought we were developing a relationship" No, no, we weren't. I thought it was just a booty call.

The danger of the booty call is that the very notion of becoming bonded or attached is sometimes mocked, denigrated, reduced to something weak and tepid, laughable, even shameful. When people are honest about their desire for non-committal sex yet still willing to honor the possibility of emotional flux, that's maturity. But when the "Booty Call" turns into a nightmare, it's often due to a true imbalance in a person's perception of emotional involvement as uncool, or something to be ashamed of.
Engaging in booty call behavior is like playing with fire. It's hot, gorgeous and exciting, but you can very, very easily get burned. Not being honest about what you want may actually be PART of the booty call itself, as many who engage in this type of sexuality are always looking for an angle, a manipulation, a way in and then quickly back out.

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

It's funny that I found this right after telling the booty call guy not to call me anymore. He was my first FWB, and I hope the next time isn't like this. He seemed a lot more 'bonded' to me than I was to him, but he was certain he didn't want a relationship [for money reasons *eye roll*]. I do not want a relationship right now and def not with him, I've had enough of my ex to last a few more months but I definitely deserved more respect that a3AM phone call when I'm trying to sleep before a work day.

July 14, 2010 - 2:53am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

LOL here in Jamaica we have another name for things like that. (Link removed by moderator.)

July 12, 2010 - 4:35am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

It is great to see someone being that open and honest about this topic, without any of the bravado or hidden meanings that usually get in the way.

We need for it to be possible (and socially acceptable) for two people to talk with honesty about what sort of assumptions they each want to make, what each may be prepared to offer and what each is hoping for.

Even the coining of the phrase "booty call" is a step forward, because it implies that it may (or man not) be exactly what both participants actually want.

Many women have been hurt by not having realised that what the man actually wanted was just a booty call, but many men have been lured into entanglements that they did not want by what has seemed to be a promise of more than the woman was actually prepared to offer - and both of these result from misunderstood hints.

July 3, 2010 - 1:07am
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