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Twenty Years Ago I Hated Sex: Why Youth is Wasted On the Young

 
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So he would want to, you know, touch me, like, "down there," and I was nineteen and thought dirty magazines were something I'd found inadvertently in my parents' special under-the-bed hideaway (along with countless Christmas presents and unused clothing; it was a spot that transformed with the seasons) or the grumbly, overweight fathers of my girlfriends and cousins.

I never sought out any type of erotic literature myself and assumed sex would be, when it came, well, some kind of rapturous experience that would take me completely away and leave my mind in that silly little place called "Earth."

The actual fumbling of clothing and groping of hands was terribly, shamefully disappointing; never mind the actual act which, if I must say, was something in between boring and infuriatingly irritating. "And people shave their legs for this?" I thought, and then, "And people kill other people over this?" "Really?" And I suffered this way for, well, years, faking orgasms and talking to my girlfriends about sex as if it were an unripe pear - I know it's SUPPOSED to taste really juicy and fresh and delicious, but, no, it's.... sort of just... blah....
True to the textbooks, I really didn't experience my first deep sexual stirrings until I hit my thirties. By then I was through with sex, I thought. It was dull. It got on my nerves. It was a cheap date and an intellectual all rolled into one; it settled for anything and thought more of itself than it was actually worth.
But in my thirties, things got wildly, frighteningly sexual for me. Like the Great Wall of China suddenly crumbling due to a massive earthquake for which there is no warning system in place, my sexual walls went down, down, with a mighty sound, and, much to my complete and utter shock, I fell into Venus' outstretched arms with a vibrator and a wink and never looked back.

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Thanks, Rosa!
I couldn't agree more; the chemistry and the partnership are very large factors in determining sexual satisfaction. I appreciate your comments.

Aimee

November 25, 2009 - 11:58am

Sorry to hear about your young inexperience with sex-- or uninterest in it better yet. I have to say though, at 24, I certainly don't think it's wasted on the young. It's all about personal experiences and yes, in many cases young women fail to experiment with their bodies or do any sexual reading until they hit their thirties but that has not been my experience.

Thirties, though, is still YOUNG. I know many thirty year olds who look, act, and feel just as good as any 21 year old and they are enjoying every minute of it. Don't fret because you waited so long, the point is you got there. In all honesty, at 19 I had just started to have sex and my sexual partner was not really that adventurous. It took meeting my husband for me to realize that sex didn't have to be ordinary and that it was anything but.

Our partners have a big influence with how we feel and act about sex. But sometimes we have to take matters into our own hands. Glad you found your comfort zone.

November 25, 2009 - 7:49am
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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