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Advice wanted

By Anonymous December 27, 2015 - 12:16pm
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Yesterday i was very irresponsible and got under the influence which is totally out of character for me. So while i was intoxicated, a guy harassed me that whole night. I kept telling him that i didn't want to have sex but he lured me alone and was still insisting on it. He slipped on a condom and i did oral on him and then we had sex but i made him stop. He said if i felt uncomfortable then he will stop n hope i don't think less of him after this experience. I feel so dirty and low. I tried to tell my friends what happened but they were like i wasn't that intoxicated being that a few hours gone by , but i know i was still under the influence because it would of never happened. My emotions are high right now was i taken advantage of? I know that it wasn't rape cause i eventually gave in so part of it is my fault. Was it a form of rape? I need advice. Thank you

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Hello and thank you for choosing EmpowHer,
This is a good question to ask yourself, especially because this has a barring on how you will feel during other sexual encounters throughout your life. The last thing you want is to associate sex with violation and low self image. This can lead to countless problems in your future relationships.
First of all, you are right. It was not rape technically; because you eventually made a choice to have sex with him.
But the fact that it was not rape does not mean it won't effect how you feel about yourself. It will! You need to overcome that guilt, and the feeling of being dirty. This will take time, so be patient with yourself.
First of all, tell yourself that what happened was indeed wrong, from all angles. But wanting to have sex was NOT the wrong part. The wrong part was how it happened and the person it happened with. So learn to separate the desire from the deed.
Everyone wants to have sex at some point. But it's up to you to choose the ideal situation that will give you empowerment, not violation!
Be strong. Don't look down on yourself for wanting sex. We all do. Simply determine that next time, it will be on your terms!

December 27, 2015 - 2:07pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to fchacon)

Thank you so much. I have a little concern also. Since he had a condom on through the whole ordeal, would my chances of stds be lower? I douched with water and vinegar out of paranoia

December 27, 2015 - 2:56pm
Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Yes, condoms protect for STD's. You should be fine.

December 27, 2015 - 8:11pm
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