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first intercourse fear and pain

By Anonymous December 15, 2012 - 8:51am
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i am 30 year old women. i got married 6 months back. im still a virgin as both of us have problems when doing sex. actually, we tried a lot to have sex with each other. initially both of us had that drive towards each other but as the time went by , i felt like i have no desire at all for sex. i love him a lot and same is the case with him. i enjoy cuddling , kissing and doing all sorts of foreplays. but all those doesnt really make me wet or create all sexual desire. another problem we face is that whenever we tried to have sex, his penis always slips away from my vaginal entrance. i know that it sounds strange. i feel like his organ really big for my vaginal space. he always consoles me by saying vagina can strech to accomodate his penis but i really cant believe or feel any kind such elasticity there. we even tried ky jelly,xylocaine gel etc. nothing worked. it simply doesnt move inside when he pushes inside. is it because i have no sexual desire? would there be any change in the shape of vaginal space (were we do insertion) when i have sexual desire ??. i used to have sexual desires during the initial days but not anymore now? why is it so? is it hormonal change? what can i do now? please dont ask me to consult doctor. i really cant face anyone for this issue. PLEASE HELP ME. AWAITING ANSWER FOR THIS QUESTION.

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It may seem like it is physically impossible at first-- but the female body was created to reproduce. If women can have babies come out of their vaginas, it is because the vagina naturally expands to adapt to the situation. It sounds like you are holding back just out of fear, not because you have had actual penetration. You should try some relaxation techniques and realize that although your very first time may be uncomfortable, it should not be painful. The most common position for the first time is missionary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missionary_position



December 20, 2012 - 8:38am

which is the easiest position for first timers ? i am not sure woman on top would work for me as i never had penetration before.


December 16, 2012 - 12:23am

Hi Febi,

You may not have to consult with your doctor-- however, if you really think this could be an anatomical issue then you won't really have a choice. 

The best anyone can recommend are water-based lubricants. If KY didn't work for you, you may want to consider other brands and read peer reviews prior to buying them so that you can see whether or not they may be good for you. It takes different things for women to lubricate well, foreplay, kissing, bedroom talk, role playing-- lots of different acts for different people. 

Noone can really say whether this is due to attraction-- only you can determine if this is the case. You can definitely try woman on top position if you're having a hard time keeping his penis inside of you, it's all about experimenting what works and what doesn't.

Best wishes,


December 15, 2012 - 2:27pm
(reply to Rosa Cabrera RN)

hello Rosa,
thanks a lot for your reply. PLEASE give an answer to this part of my question.

His male organ doesnt move inside when he pushes . is it because i have no sexual desire? would there be any change in the shape of vaginal space (were we do insertion) when i have sexual desire ?
when i look at the space over there its hard for me to believe that penis would go inside. so would the vagina enlarge when a women have desire for sex?? thats wat im worried about. if thats the case i feel like should take some libido pills .

December 16, 2012 - 12:17am
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