So to be fair I'm still young and shouldn't stress as much certainly because of my age as I'm currently 19 but it's very common for people my age to be sexually active and this is also why i worry so much. When I lost my virginity it wasn't as pleasant nor special as I had hoped and was dissapointed with the aftermath, me and my partner didn't speak about it and we didn't have foreplay beforehand which I think if we had it would have made a huge difference and I wouldn't be living in fear of sex today if we had foreplay before having sex. It was awfully painful and caused me to be quite ill for the next 3 days afterwards and made my appetite very poor and made me distant and generally effected from then to now. I recognised shortly after this was the route of the problem and this is what has given me this huge fear on being sexually active. This effects me day to day and it's always a worrying subject which is never out of my mind. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship but it's something that does matter about a relationship and cannot be avoided for long periods of time as it's what a couple do for many reasons. I have had a few boyfriends and the relationships never last long enough as it's a way of me pushing them away when it gets to the time where me and my boyfriend should be connecting and having intercourse as part of our love for one another but I cannot seem to ever get even as close as getting into bed with them as the fear just controls me and sometimes when u have a really bad fear it controls every bit of u and u feel impossible to try and fight it and forget it as it's on my mind a lot, this fear hasn't only affected my sex life or relationships but my sex drive couldn't be any lower than it is now and has effected me mentally and emotionally also and sometimes it really upsets me how I struggle daily with even talking about the subject let alone trying to go ahead with it. I am currently in a relationship and not long been with my current boyfriend and have just found the courage to finally speak out and seek help as I don't want the same issue repeating and affecting the relationship with him and end up losing him in the end as he is very different but in the best way possible and really is genuine and down to earth and is very supportive of everything i do and is to me the perfect boyfriend, to me he's faultless and he possibly is the best thing that's happened to me in such a long while and I cannot lose him to this big fear I can't seem to shift and take over my life as he is more important than the issues I struggle with but can't seem to control this fear so I'm really desperately asking for some sort of help to help me over come this awful fear
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