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How to remove the fear of pain of first intercourse?

By Anonymous July 13, 2009 - 4:05am
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im scared to have sex

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i'm newly married but i always keep myself away from being intercourse with my husband because I'm scared of sex for the first time. He sometimes angry with me but i'm totally helpless. Whenever we proceed for intercourse but i feel fear of pain and resist him doing intercourse. Please help me so that i can remove this tension and keep my husband happy. I don't want to be scared of sex.

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EmpowHER Guest

3 years of married life, I still can't satisfy my husband because of my fear and pain. How can I over come that situation.

April 4, 2018 - 12:52am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Well, it really hurts for the first time but I must tell you that you have to ENDURE it. Remember that it is your husband's right. I know what you've been through you're not alone. The only way to overcome it is to do it. I know you're scared but be brave sometimes we need to think of our husbands more than ourselves. Don't worry the pain is tolerable. Even if you are scared do not stop. I know you can do it. Don't focus on the pain even if it is there. Not doing it is more stressing because you keep thinking about it.

April 9, 2018 - 4:07am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

You may have a medical issue that is causing your pain - see your doctor. If this isn't the case, seek therapy - there is certainly hope for you but you need to seek help.

April 4, 2018 - 2:08pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have had sex before and it was painful and now I’m in a relationship with someone I really love and I am terrified of having sex with him because of how much it hurt the first time.

October 19, 2017 - 1:45am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi All,

I am a husband. I was thinking my wife is the only one who is afraid of sex. Its been two years we haven't had sex. I really respect her feelings. But now we both want to make our family and want to have a kid.

Sometimes we think of adopting but because of parents pressure we can't do that. Yesterday one thought came to my mind is that like there is Viagra for exiting male to do sex there may be something for women also which can make her excite too. This way a woman may want insertion without thinking of pain.

According to me the fear of pain if because woman just think she wants to have sex but does not arouse the sexual feelings. So that's why she is more concentrated on pain rather than excitement.

There is an Ayurvedic stuff(medicine you can say) which helps in raising the sexual feelings. These are shwet musli and sheelajit. I would prefer to go for ayurvedic natural way instead of allopathic which may have side effects. You can checkout the benefits of these products. I remember Shwet musli helps in getting the vagina wet so that penis can be in smoothly.

August 19, 2017 - 11:08am
EmpowHER Guest

I have been married for 9 months now and have not had sexual intercourse witn my husband. I have soo much fear of him entering me and it really hurts when it gets to that stage! Help :(

June 28, 2017 - 11:08am
EmpowHER Guest

am the same way i have been 4 years with him and haven hade sex because of my fear

May 26, 2017 - 7:33pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi everyone, I've been married for a month now and also very scared of losing my virginity because of the pain. But to be honest it was only all on our head and the fear is getting the best of us. My husband and I tried it twice after a week of our marriage, on our second try I gathered all my courage and trusted my husband. It doesn't hurt that bad, and also I am nervous that time. Very. Your husband entering you is not a dangerous thing, it is not deadly. Don't fight it, don't focus on the pain it's NOT that bad. Even when it hurts don't stop, when you feel that pain just let go and relax tell your partner to be slow, relax your thighs if you feel pain it will reduced. Don't stop it. Sex is not something to be scared of, it is the broken marriage and no love making that hurts and scarier. Believe me you can tolerate that pain. Trust me. It is very tolerable. When my husband told me "we're already doing it, we're having sex" I felt relieved because the pain is not that bad it won't hurt anymore, that's it. I will tell you that PAIN you will feel will not last long. And that pain will only occur once, on the next intercourse you wouldn't feel that PAIN so treasure that moment, treasure that feeling. I just felt that pain briefly then it disappeared. I can say that it was uncomfortable and weird but not that painful. It was worth the pain because the happiness after that will last, focus on that. :) Remember it is your husband's right and you must grant it to them. And the most important thing is, if you truly love your husband you will give him everything. So do not let fear control you, beat it and laugh later! I did it you can! Control your thoughts.

May 5, 2017 - 7:39pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Thank you so much. This is going to help me lot.

August 22, 2017 - 8:17am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Thank you so much !!! I was so scared but you just took off my fear ! Really thank you!!! I'm so glad I read your comment . Your words are so good. Im so thankful

May 23, 2017 - 12:15pm
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