Facebook Pixel

im so confused

By April 18, 2015 - 1:02am
Rate This

I've been dating this guy with aspergers for almost 7 months now. In the beginning of our relationship we were very close and intimate but after I was diagnosed with anxiety I was unable to be intimate again. It made me very uncomfortable. We went to therapy for it and I discovered why I'm unable to be intimate was because when I was younger I was molested by an older cousin for a really long time and I never dealt with those feelings so now its really affecting me. He knows this but he would still ask for small intimate activities. I would say no but he would keep asking and begging until I finally said yes so he would leave me alone.

He's sexually frustrated I know. But he doesn't understand how I feel about sex. How can I enjoy something that was used against me for so long? My feelings from so long ago are very confusing to me. But he dosent understand that and I dont know how to explain that to him.
So recently he started having sex with me while I was sleeping and I woke up panicking and he started panicking and apologizing. I started pushing him away and that's where he started crying because he really loves me and he feels guilty. Now my feelings are even more confusing and I don't know what to do. I want to break up with him. But he has aspergers so I don't know if he really understands why what he did was wrong and he and his mom keep telling me that it was a mistake and he didnt mean to do it and he's sorry and he wants to fix it. But I don't know if I can trust him again.
I feel like he raped me and thats unforgivable.

I told him about my past. He knows its hard for me to even give him hand jobs because its so uncomfortable. But I still did it because I love him and I wanted to please him. The feeling of his hard penis when we are cuddling makes me super uncomfortable too but I tried my best to not think about it because I love him. I compromised so much for him even though it made me uncomfortable and he does this to me??? I feel so betrayed. But why do I feel sorry for him??? I'm so confused I don't know what my feelings are anymore.

Today he came up to me trying to explain why he did what he did. He claims to have sexonmia but i think hes just trying to put the blame on something else instead of taking the blame. I really dont know what to do.

Add a Comment1 Comments


Hello and thank you for sharing your question.  I understand what are difficult time this is for you and I'd love to give you some helpful tips that might help.

First of all, I'm glad to hear that you are seeking counseling, and you can definitely use that opportunity to get help.

Secondly, you will not heal unless your boyfriend becomes a part of the healing process instead of the one re-opening old wounds.  I suggest that you talk to your counselor about ways he can help you become more trusting and confident instead of more on-guard and uncomfortable.

At this point there is no need to "punish" him for alarming you that night.  From what you have said, I not think he meant you no harm.  BUT, since it did make you fearful, he must understand why it was so harmful because that will help him understand your needs better.  Perhaps your counselor may help him understand that.

In conclusion I repeat, in order to stay in this relationship, your boyfriend must be helping you heal. 


April 18, 2015 - 12:46pm
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.


Sex 101

Get Email Updates

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!