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inability to get physically aroused, emotionally very attracted.

By Anonymous December 26, 2014 - 2:45pm
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History: I'm 29 years old. I have no history of sexual trauma or abuse. I have always been a "instant arousal" kind of gal; being able to achieve multiple orgasms, very quickly even with my current partner whom I trust, and adore. We have been together 10 months. He has always had a history of hitting my cervix (or what I assume is such based on research and general knowledge) it's extremely painful. I have ended up with cramping, spotting, and extreme pain during and after intercourse. Pain lasts anywhere from an hour to a week (spotting is usually immediate and stops quickly).

This has happened with him and one other person who was also well endowed, and are the only times this has been an issue (past partner was the only partner between jan 13' and jan 14', current and only partner since feb 14'). I have also experienced tearing on the perineum area, and what feels like inside along my walls on multiple occassions. usually waiting a week or more for healing between intercourse.

I am very enamored with my partner, I get butterflies when he holds my hand. On occasion I will find myself staring at him in awe for no reason.. My hearts all a flutter and what not, so emotionally I am incredibly aroused by him. physically He knows how and where to touch, and is knowledgeable with my body. Our line of communication on this subject is very open, and 80%-90% of the time hears when i ask to stop, or slow down (hey, he's a guy, he gets excited it happens); however i feel terrible leaving him unsatisfied if i cant continue, and will move to other forms of arousal even if my head isnt "in the game".

Physically I find myself unable to get wet. I can feel an aching yearning sensation in that area, the wanting for sex, but there is no natural lubrication. I have experienced tearing even while using plenty of lubrication. Even while using a long lasting lubricant we find ourselves having to reapply multiple times. which is not only inconvenient, but terribly embarassing for me.
my partner is incredibly patient, and wonderful about this whole thing, and is willing to help do whatever needs to be done. I'm more concerned about this sudden onset (3-6 months). why now? is it age, medical, am i just getting to a point where i am going to need things like foreplay to get "ready"?

I have a yearly pap next week, and am looking for things to discuss with my doctor.its gotten to a point where its messing with me psychologically (2 months) which i'm sure is adding to my inability to properly perform. i am on antidepressants (wellbutrin) which are helping my depression but not helping with this.

-we are not using protection
- aroused he is between 9&11 inches depending on how aroused he is, and is very thick as well
- neither he nor I currently or in the past have had an STD
-I started the HPV vaccination at 15 became sexually active at 17.
- i have had two abnormal paps both with scraping of the cells, and ultrasounds that followed, and one followed up with an obgyn exam. Both years there has been nothing cancerous, or STD related.
-I am overweight, have been for a long time. However recently no change in lifestyle, eating healthier, more water consumption, and have gained close to 50lb in a year.
- currently using "wet platinum" silicone based lubricant
- sex will often lead to me crying, feeling inadequate, and him telling me that whatever this is we will get past it. i just cant understand why with no "trauma" or medical history this is just suddenly happening.

im sorry i know this is super duper long, but im trying to give as much information that i can. I thank you for your time and patience in getting through all of this, and appreciate any advice

Add a Comment7 Comments

Thank you fchacon as always you're most helpful!
I tried the cream which seemed to only taunt the infection, so when I went in she gave me a pill, which did take care of that. But the dryness is still an issue. I'm hoping it will go away

Question though, is there actually a way to test a man for hpv? Last I knew there wasn't.

January 10, 2015 - 10:58am
Guide (reply to xoltol)


You are correct.  There are no treatments for specifically HPV in men.  But if he has any symptoms, those symptoms can because tested in treated.  In general, if he does not have any symptoms then there is no real way of knowing whether or not he has it, but it would clear up on its own.


January 10, 2015 - 2:10pm

Thank you for your advice.
I saw the doctor new years eve, and the immediate results were
-you have a yeast infection
-If he is significantly larger than your opening allows there can be tearing
-I didn't notice any scar tissue
-your dryness is most likely due to your yeast infection, and should clear up, if it's still an issue a well or so after, call and we will discuss low level estrogen, and try that.
-I noticed nothing abnormal, but your test results should show more if there's something to be concerned about

Also I had seen a gyno last year for an abnormal pap, my results over the phone were "we see nothing to be concerned about, no need for further" blah blah blah
HOWEVER, my doctor said her notes from the gyno that I had shown results for level 1 (lowest level, I get the order confused) and would require hpv testing every year from now on.

I am currently waiting on test results

January 7, 2015 - 3:37pm
Guide (reply to xoltol)


I'm happy to hear they did more tests.  If you did have a yeast infection, it is true that it can cause dryness and pain.  The doctor is true though.  Did he give you anything for your yeast infection?  Usually, you would not need to take anything, but if you want to there are over the counter pills or creams you can use.  Like he said though, if you still experience the same symptoms for longer than a week or 2 than you should be tested for low estrogen. 

I don't recall you mentioning your age, but I think it is useful to note that it is common for women under 30, so you do not need to worry about it being unusual.  It is important to do the annual testing because reoccurring, HPV can develop into cancer if untreated for a lengthy amount of time.

HPV is passed from person to person through vaginal and anal intercourse.  Many times a person can have it from a long time before they are aware.  This is why, I suggest that your partner also gets tested.  If he has it, than you can contract it again through intercourse even after being treated for it.

Good luck on your this path to heal.


January 10, 2015 - 8:18am

Thank you so much for your advice.
I didn't realize how potentially serious those tears could be. Or I would have seen a dr sooner.
Amy time they have looked into my abnormal paps, they simply say they have found nothing.
Pain in lower abdomen, pelvic area, internally and externally around the vagina has always resulted in "we can't find anything" and they do no further testing.
What you're saying makes so much sense, and I thank you so much for your input. I will discuss this further with my partner and see if he has anything to add, and will write everything down (as I tend to forget everything the second the dr walks in).
I never thought to all about estrogen levels so thank you for bringing it to my attention.
You have been a world of help, and appreciate your response

December 27, 2014 - 2:59pm
Guide (reply to xoltol)

Hi xoltol,

I'm so glad to hear that my advice was helpful.  I'm glad you will write down everything, its a very good way to remember as you said.  Sometimes it is necessary to do all your own research in order to tell the doctors exactly what you want, so it was wise of you to ask hear at EmpowHer.  Then you can get the treatments you need.  

I hope all goes well!  Let us know how it goes and if you have more questions after the exam

Good luck,


December 28, 2014 - 8:31pm

Hello, and thank you for sharing your question with the community.  I'm so sorry to hear about the pain that you are experiencing physically and psychologically.  I'd love to give you some information that will be helpful.

There are several things that can be causing your symptoms.  First, one of the side affects of wellbutrin is weight gain.  Although I do not think the weight gain is related, it may have disrupted your sexual health.  You should ask your doctor if these things are related during your pap exam next week.

Secondly, you mentioned abnormal paps.  You need to know the exact information of those abnormal paps in order to tell your doctor during your exam and ask if those problems are related to your symptoms.

Thirdly, multiple tears on the perineum area and vaginal walls.  This is very serious.  Even though you wait to it to heal, the continual injuries to such a delicate area can affect sexual health. "The walls of the vagina stay lubricated with a thin layer of clear fluid.  The hormone estrogen helps maintain that fluid and the keeps the lining of the vagina healthy, thick, and elastic." When estrogen levels decrease, that is when dryness occurs.  Since you vaginal walls have been damaged, so to speak, it may be the cause of dryness.  You need to talk the your doctor about finding out if you have low estrogen levels as well.

These are many factors involved, so I suggest writing a list of everything that you think may be affecting your symptoms in order to present them to your doctor during your exam.  Do not leave anything out because what you're experiencing can have serious implications and needs to be treated right away.

Let us know how things go.


December 27, 2014 - 2:46pm
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