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My husband and I can't seem to have sex.

By Anonymous November 11, 2014 - 6:16pm
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I just got married to my very best friend on November 1st. We love each other very much and I coukdnt be happier. But we can't seem to have sex. We have enjoyed oral and hand jobs and both reached orgasm. But any time he true to actually penetrate my knee-jerk reaction is to push him out and then I end up crying. We tried opening things up with a vibrator and other things. But we've only ever lasted 5 minutes with him inside me. It just hurts too much. He very well endowed and much bigger than me. I also have a history of sexual abuse but I can't remember most of it. I don't think I was rapped but I don't understand my reaction to sex. It a knee-jolt reaction. I tense up the moment he tries penetrate I tense up as that makes it painful. We,ve tried so many things to try and calm me down and he's been soooooo supportive and in to pleasing me and making me comfortable and he's been so patient. But we're both so tired and ready to have actual sex with each other. I feel like I'm broken. Please help me! Any advice is appriciated.

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Hello Anonymous, and thanks for sharing your story and concerns with the EmpowHER community.

I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you and your new husband are facing. The situation is heart breaking and definitely not what the two of you expected when you got married.

Did you know the largest sex organ is the human brain? What you think can have a profound impact on your sexuality and sex life. The brain has a much greater impact than many people realize, and impacts us in ways that we often don't take into consideration on our own.

For that reason, and because it sounds like you and your husband have already tried many possible solutions on your own, I'm going to suggest considering sex therapy.

Please read this article, written for the EmpowHER community, which describes what sex therapy is and even how to find a sex therapist.

Sex Therapy: Is It for You?


The issues you are facing are more common than you may think and the good news is that sex therapists are able to help many couples learn how to have healthy, active sexual relations and relationships.

I hope this helps and you will stay in touch and let us know how things go for you and your husband.



November 11, 2014 - 6:57pm
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