I just got married to my very best friend on November 1st. We love each other very much and I coukdnt be happier. But we can't seem to have sex. We have enjoyed oral and hand jobs and both reached orgasm. But any time he true to actually penetrate my knee-jerk reaction is to push him out and then I end up crying. We tried opening things up with a vibrator and other things. But we've only ever lasted 5 minutes with him inside me. It just hurts too much. He very well endowed and much bigger than me. I also have a history of sexual abuse but I can't remember most of it. I don't think I was rapped but I don't understand my reaction to sex. It a knee-jolt reaction. I tense up the moment he tries penetrate I tense up as that makes it painful. We,ve tried so many things to try and calm me down and he's been soooooo supportive and in to pleasing me and making me comfortable and he's been so patient. But we're both so tired and ready to have actual sex with each other. I feel like I'm broken. Please help me! Any advice is appriciated.