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Should i stay with my boyfriend of 6+ yrs even though he has been caught talking to other females ?

By July 27, 2011 - 9:31pm
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Ok, so by the question above your probaley thinking what's wrong with him talking to other women. No i am not a control freak. Here is there situation, We have been together for 6 years and around year 4 i had seen a very shall we say "private" picture on his phone while i was going on to send myself some pics from a recent party we had attendend. When i confronted or asked him about it it came to light that him and this girl had been texting each other very intimate text to one another as far as i know and from what he says thats all it was nothing actually physical (oh and for a added bonus we all worked together so they were doing this for a few months behind my back) anyways i got over it and we said we were going to mend the realtionship because we love each other. I figured what we had was worth fighting for . For the next two years we are fine both got better jobs , moved into a better place things were going great. Well about 3 days ago it came to light that he was talking on the phone with another girl who works for the same company but not in the same location as him, they had been talking for about 2 months.i asked him about it and he came clean saying that they had met at a work banquet talking about work and he gave her his number, and that it was just a friendship thing that they talked about work and she had a boyfriend .( Keep in mind i am 23 he is 25 and this new girl is 19.She lives at home with her parents ) So i asked if it was innocent and just a work thing why did he hide it ie: delete all the call history text msgs etc. He said that he wanted to prevent a fight which i think is whatever. So im finally getting to the reason im writting this sorry that it so long. So my first reaction was anger then just sadness and betrayl. So we talk about it , i do believe that she was jus innocent talking and flirting but it could had lead to more like the first girl had he not got caught i believe. I asked him why he keeps talking to other females what is missing at home that he feels the need to go else were and at first he said he thinks he is just scared of commitment since we have been together so long and are so young. After more talking and more of me repeatly asking what else he said that he is not as attracted to me as he was when we first started seeing each other because i had gained weight.That was like a knife through my heart as i have always been a bigger girl and therefore very self councius of my weight, but i understood it . I mean it isnt his fault how he feels on a physical level is it ? We talked more about what he didnt like about me and although very hard to hear i wanted him to be honest .(or so i though i wanted him to be)So i guess my question is should i give him another chance and try and rebuild the trust, and will we ever be the same after knowing how he feels about me.And i also should add that i have been working on losing weight for about a month.But ever since he said that i wont let him touch me or be in the same room when i change and i dont feel comfortable eating around him not that i have been anyways since he said he wasnt attracted to me.i just cant bring myself to eat. i feel as though i gross him out. What is a way to cope with this ? Has anyone ever been in a simaliar situation?
thank you for reading this very long thread and thanks in advance for any advice.

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In my opinion i believe talking to another woman in a flirtatious manor is inappropriate. The fact that it was sort of kept from you is a red flag. And it has happened again. I hate how they try to use the whole 'i didn't want to tell you because you would get upset' excuse. As if keeping it from you wont upset you? Flirtatious texting can lead to other things. And as far as him not being attracted to you because you gained a little weight is no excuse. That doesn't change the kind of person you are. If you started working out to get in better shape good for you! However, doing it to make him happy isn't right. If you feel good with yourself why cant he? Don't try and change anything about yourself to make anybody else happy. And since you've started working out you mentioned you don't want him to touch you, and your self conscious about eating around him., isn't healthy. If he cant see you for all the beautiful things you have to offer, then why is he worth changing for?

August 22, 2011 - 10:36pm

hey checherry 7 ,
Yea this situation is a sucky one and dont feel bad im very new to this to ive never been on to do the online things like this but i must admit it helps alot. Now when you say has cheated on you does that mean actually sleeping with other women ?. If so i know it hutrs believe me i know it does but you may need to consider leaving beacouse once that form of trust is broken it will be very hard for you to forgive let alone feel good about yourself if you see him everyday. As in my situation we both have gained weight and i feel the same as you i dont love him any less. He is my lfe i would and have done everything in my power to make his dream come true includgin putting mine on hold. Since imade my post me and my boyfriend/ ex fiance have talked and talked and talked saying everything we feel to one another some that the other may not want to hear and something that hurts to hear but i feel that it has helped like his problem with me is that yes i have gained weight but it not really the weight alone its the fact that i have gotten to comfortable ie not wearing m,akeup doing my hair dressin like i used to dress. and so now im makeing a effort because as much as we would like to think love is all we need thats not tru as women we need to make a effort to keep our man at home cuz if we dont thier is some trivaling women out there that would love to break up a happy home. Also we talked bout our sex life sinced men are obviously driven ont hat and he jus wanted us to change it up which is funny because that is what i wanted like i told him i love sex everything about buit i havent been as adventous as i was befor because i felt he wasnt into, So i guess what im sayin is if you both realy love each other an it has got to be both not just u TALK talk intill both of you feel that u have said everything u need to till both of you are happy. By my man jus telling me weight was a problem he feel sooo much better because he know im conious of it and the in turn will work at it. Now as far as him stayin faithful there is no secret tips if he want ot go cheat he will but usually the reason is he is not happy at home so ask him what it is and tell him u need the answer no matter how bad it will hurt. Lossing weight ides i dont know because i havent been eating and thats not what u need to to do that make losing weight worse so maybe somene else can help u with that but me and my man are talking walks around the neighborhood together so maybe try that . i hope this helps i mean this is what im tryin and i think its step in the right direction. I myself have issue with the trsust and feeling good about myself so i cant give to much advice on that but best of luck !! and if thats u in the pic on you are beautiful and deserve to feel and be treated that way best of luck hun!!

July 30, 2011 - 2:49pm

hello im about having the same situation maybe a bit worse im new to this.so sry if i dnt make sense..well what to do then?my bf is 26 im 19 n hes cheated on me about 5x i dnt understand why i mean i give him all i can..n more..we both gained weight but i dont love him less bc of it...and just bc of the weight gain i dnt go around cheating either...i dnt know what to do.i know he loves me but what can i do for him to stay faithful?or any tips on how to loose weight at home?theres only so much i can do to loose weight being at home 24/7..ideas?

July 30, 2011 - 8:46am
(reply to checherry7)

hello, there is a lot of ways to loose weight in your own home, more than most people think!! There is the sit ups, the lunges, push ups. On your back or front veranda or any where there is a step you can do step ups and tighten the back of your calfs. Yoga is a brilliant way to tone and strengthen muscles, running on the spot does wonders. House work can also help if you put your back in to it. All you need to do is keep your heart beat up for a minimum of 20 mins a day to help loose weight. Look up on google cardiac excersise. Its easier than most people think. You just need to believe in your self and quay positive. :) people think!! There is the sit ups, the lunges, push ups. On your back or front veranda or any where there is a step you can do step ups and tighten the back of your calfs. Yoga is a brilliant way to tone and strengthen muscles, running on the spot does wonders. House work can also help if you put your back in to it. All you need to do is keep your heart beat up for a minimum of 20 mins a day to help loose weight. Look up on google cardiac excersise. Its easier than most people think. You just need to believe in your self and quay positive. :)

August 1, 2011 - 5:07pm

Hi Beautiful_Nightmare,
I honestly see that his reasons for talking to another females are invalid.
I won't be less attracted to a person if he/she gained weight. A women is not an object (for pleasure..etc). A women is a subject, a human being. I am pretty sure that if HE gained weight or had less muscles you will still love him the same and be attracted to him the same as before.
Hiding it from you shows bad intentions. And I am sorry to tell you that but I am being honest that's all.
And I am also pretty sure that you talking to another males would be a much bigger issue to him. So why this inequality?
My opinion is that, you should make him choose on either staying with you without any unfaithful, secretive relationships (even friend to friend relationship, unless he tell you about every detail), I mean not to hide anything from you and you both treat each other with the same manner. OR, you guys just walk in different directions.
If he chose the first solution then he loves you and you probably have to work hard on achieving what he likes in you, plus work hard on following him( coz you still not sure if he is saying the truth and not hiding again).
If he chose to leave, then take it this way, as it is better for you not to stay with a person that doesn't love you anymore.
Maybe when you take this more-serious approach he'll feel ashamed or insecure and get back to his mind, thinking that he might loose you and u are not taken for granted (i hope he'll think this way then).
Sorry, if I am being over honest or rude, but that's just my own personal opinion.
Good luck girl :)
Every girl is beautiful the way she is :)
let us know what happens.

July 28, 2011 - 1:01am
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