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Hi, Iv been with my boyfriend for 7 years now, we where having sex on a regular basis until 4 months ago, in this 7 years we have split for a year and a half but we where still having sex, it didnt stop. He went down the route of doing a lot of cocaine and drink in that time we split but it still didnt affect our sex life until 4 months ago, we havent had sex in that 4 months we he is willing to do other things, he says his reason for not having sex is his confidence , but what i dont understand is he is happy for me to go down on him and hes happy to do the same with me, but not having sex is playing on my mind, as there is no intimacy between us and its really getting me down, i think the drug taking has a lot to do with it, or is this just an excuse! Iv asked if there is anything i can do to help and he says nothing! I dont know what to do anymore really needs all your help! 7 years is a long time considering im only 22yrs old. I want to let go but i feel like if i was id be turning my back on him if he really does have a problem. Please help. xx
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Hi, no he doesnt use cocaine anymore and hasnt done for a long time well since april when he was diagnosed with pancreatitis, so he can no longer drink or do drugs due to the short term abuse, i forgot to mention this in the last post, i dont know if all this togther has caused the lack of sex? I have actually spoken to him tonight and he said is the confidence he lacks, but he feels comfortable doing the other things, but he gets so angry when i speak to him about it all im trying to do is help and understand. What do you think? Thanks for a reply x
December 19, 2010 - 12:27pmThis Comment
I think you have all the information you need in front of you, to make the best decision for you.
You are upset about your current sexual relationship, and your boyfriend is not. He has heard your concerns, and is not able/willing to change at the moment. The decision is yours to stay in this relationship that lacks intimacy (your words) or to continue. He is not upset or bothered by it, so he will not change the status quo.
Your boyfriend also "gets so angry" when you try to talk with him about your feelings and concerns, and that is a major red flag in a relationship. Again, the decision is yours if you want to stay in a relationship with one person unable/unwilling to communicate fairly, openly and honestly about things that matter to you.
So, you really don't need to help or understand any longer; it is up to you to feel strong in knowing what you want out of a relationship for your future! Good luck!
December 19, 2010 - 8:20pmThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
The lack of sex life can certainly be attributed to his drug use and abuse. I was certainly in your position before and I remember hating every moment of it as he was more interested in the next high rather than a family and certainly sex with me.
There is never a pleasant outcome from using drugs...does he want to quit or seek treatment? Are you ok with the fact that he continues to use?
December 19, 2010 - 11:03amI look forward to your response.
Missie
This Comment
Hi,, no he doesnt use cocaine anymore and hasnt done for a long time well since april when he was diagnosed with pancreatitis, so he can no longer drink or do drungs die to the short term abuse, i forgot to mention this in the last post, i dont know if all this togther has caused the lack of sex? What do you think? Thanks for a reply x
December 19, 2010 - 12:24pmThis Comment