Author Sonya Zepeda describes why she does not advocate for a friends with benefits relationship.
Friends with benefits – I think this is something that a lot of women are grappling with around the nation. We sort of have that, “I am woman; hear me roar,” the sexual revolution, we’re on the same page as men, so I think there’s sort of rejoicing in this sexual freedom, but at the end of the day I don’t know that it really works for the ladies.
I have a friend, we’ll just call her, who is in a friends with benefit relationship, and what is friends with benefits? It’s generally a friendship where you guys sleep together on occasion or maybe you have one drunken night but there’s no relationship there. You guys can still do whatever you want, date who you want, be with who you want, sleep with whoever you want, and I have a girlfriend whose grappling with this right now, who always gets a little bit heartbroken and as she calls it, it’s a sickness and she can’t seems to stop herself.
But at the same time she says every time she does it she feels cheap and cheated on and at the end of the day I think if he wanted to be with you he would be with you. If he wanted a relationship with you he’d be in a relationship with you. So friends with benefits sort of is allowing people to have that lack of commitment.
If you, as a woman, truly feel that you can take and remove the emotion out of it that’s one thing, but it hasn’t been my experience with ladies because generally at one point or another, somebody wants a relationship, somebody wants more, and somebody ends up with their heart broken.
If you are in a friends with benefit relationship as well the thing you don’t want to have happen is where it drags on for years because you sort of become complacent. You’re that in between person before you guys find the people you truly want to be with, so you sort of are slowing down your ability to find your ultimate happiness.
So I don’t think a friends with benefits thing should be a long-term thing. If you are starting to feel attached you should back out of it and I think you should probably cut it off within the first couple of months just because you are going to prevent yourself from finding your true passion, your true love, and things of that nature.
About Sonya Zepeda:
She has played both the heartbreaker and the broken-hearted in this crazy world of love. Sonya has explored many methods for successfully recovering from the collapse of a relationship. She has put her heart and soul into finding out what does and doesn’t work in this process. Through family, friends and her own trials and tribulations with men, she has written an entertaining and educational break up guide that will help mend your heart, fill your belly and lift your spirits.