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Relationship expert Jason Fierstein explains the reasons a couple experiences a sexual disconnect or intimacy problems.
Jason Fierstein:
One of the common problems that I see with the couples that I work with is men’s frustration with the lack of sex in a marriage or relationship. A lot of times men don’t feel like they’re getting it enough; women feel like they are getting it too much and so there’s real disconnect.
I think that communication is a big part of this and for women, something that men don’t know that intimacy and feeling loved is connected to sex and so I think men could benefit from understanding that.
One of the things that I see that can benefit you ladies about men in the work that I do with men around sex is that sex is connected to intimacy for men just the same. You know, it’s not that guys just want sex all the time, that we’re sex machines, that they want to be intimate too and sometimes there is an emotional disconnect and so for women, if they’re fighting or if there’s words that are going unsaid, there is going to be less sexual intimacy in the relationship or marriage and since guys tend to stuff their anger and sometimes that creates a sexual disconnect, I think it’s important for women to know that when guys do this that they’re withholding their love and that they’re going to withhold their sexual connection.
And so I think one of the keys to understanding the sexual disconnect is knowing that guys do this withdrawing or avoiding of problems of feelings of any issues and so it ends up snowballing. Then more problems are created from lack of sex and it looks like sex is the problem, but really there was a seed problem that happened before that, that just kind of snowballed and so it looks like sex is the problem.
So I talk with couples that come in and say, “Well, we’re having a sexual disconnect,” or guys use the terminology, “We’re having an intimacy problem,” and that may be true, you know, there might be a sexual disconnect but there’s always something behind that and so knowing this, communicating this to women about guys, knowing that guys kind of hide behind walls sometimes and are not able to make the emotional connection that’s automatically linked to sexual functioning in a relationship.
About Jason Fierstein, M.A., L.P.C.:
I am a State of Arizona board-licensed professional counselor practicing in Phoenix. My master’s degree is in psychology, with a counseling emphasis, and I have a post-graduate certification in Gestalt Therapy. I have been counseling a variety of different clients for nine years, and have been practicing privately for five.
Visit Jason Fierstein at his website
Add a Comment1 Comments
thanks you have helped me with my question about having a sexual disconnect, my boyfriend keeps telling me he doesnt feel conneceted anymore w/ sex but i know there has to be more to it than that, we have stoped communticateing about everytin and stopped doing the little things that are important to us!
im am going to talk to him and show him this article so we can work things out and get our lives back on track.
thanks again
September 7, 2010 - 3:38pmThis Comment