Jason Fierstein shares the best, most thoughtful way to end a relationship with someone you care for, but the relationship just does not work.
The key to ending a relationship for a lot of people is really difficult to find. Coming to terms with what you want and what you don’t want, for a lot of people, including women, is very difficult. Sometimes we’re in a relationship and we’re happy a lot of time and we’re unhappy and we vacillate back and forth for some time without really knowing or checking in with our gut about what we want.
So, understanding what we truly want; what’s in our heart, and again, our hearts sometimes communicate differently from our brains. Understanding what’s really in our heart and what do we want, do we see our future with this person or not with this person and getting in touch with that part of ourselves, it’s going to be a lot easier to get in touch and then communicate it to our partner. So that I think is the best way to understand how we want to stay or not stay in a relationship and then communicating it directly, so not playing games around it.
Too many couples come in and they want to play games or they want to have an affair or they want to do something extra martially. Being straight, being honest, and being empathic with the person and you won’t hurt them if you’re direct with them and I know it’s a struggle for a lot of partners because they don’t want to hurt their partner.
Yes, the partner may be hurt, but they’d be less hurt if you’re playing games around it. So being direct with them and saying, “You know, I’ve come to the point in my life where I’m certain that this relationship isn’t good for me anymore. I find myself needing some more than this relationship has got to be advanced.”
So emphasize the relationship part, you know, so it’s not exactly ‘it’s not you; it’s me’, but it’s about the relationship that’s not working for you. You have needs that are greater than this and so communicating that directly, being centered in yourself and speaking from that point of view I think is the best way to communicate that you want to get out of a relationship.
About Jason Fierstein, M.A., L.P.C.:
I am a State of Arizona board-licensed professional counselor practicing in Phoenix. My master’s degree is in psychology, with a counseling emphasis, and I have a post-graduate certification in Gestalt Therapy. I have been counseling a variety of different clients for nine years, and have been practicing privately for five.