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Sexual Styles and Sexual Chemistry

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It's elusive, mysterious, invisible. It creeps in and around us, through our fingertips, at the corners of our consciousness like so much ethereal fairy dust. We know it when it's right and we are slow to admit it but finally must when it's wrong. It's that ever slippery thing, that conceptual fish known as sexual chemistry.

Two people with good sexual chemistry often have little or no difficulty arousing each other, intuitively understanding each others' tastes, preferences, pleasures. There is an ability to trust in this pleasure, to perhaps even push one another beyond normally contained limitations to even further heights of enjoyment. This trust, this intuition is lacking when the chemistry is not there, when the compatibility of touch, the synching of the elusive mystery is out of tune.

In my experience, sexual chemistry has so much to do with a compatibility of sexual styles. Whether you are naturally more submissive or more dominant, whether you think certain things are funny in bed, or should be taken seriously, whether you are private in your desires or very public and outgoing in asking for what you want and need. The ability of two people to share a compatible sexual style is something that is a natural phenomenon and can't be faked; it makes for great sex and this is the simple truth.

However, I do believe that sexual compatibility can be increased if two people are accepting and non-judgmental of one another, creating an intimate bond in which honesty and openness can allow each one to explore their sexuality in a safe way, a way that lets them understand their own sexuality as deeply as possible, taking responsibility for it, communicating their needs and desires as they become clear.

The following link has more on the types of sexual styles individuals and couples have and how to explore this idea to further enhance your sexual compatibility, leading to more consistently satisfying, meaningful, hot and steamy sex.


It is important to remember that you are not to blame if things don't feel right, or if your styles are not compatible. Talking about sex can be awkward, but if you aren't able to trust the person you are with on a regular basis enough to talk about it, your styles may need work to become compatible in other areas as well. Open and honest communication can work wonders if two people care enough to listen, explore and please one another.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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