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I was a terrible actress. In elementary school it was thought that I wouldn't be, that I had untapped potential, that I would memorize lines and portray Greek goddesses whisked to the underworld by embodiments of death with flair, finesse and grace.
Yet the moment I inserted myself into this artificial environment with all that expectation and need falling about my coiffed goddess hair, I lost my "moment" and began to laugh uncontrollably.
In middle school it was far, far worse. There was no way I could even sustain one line let alone act in a production of any sort.
Talking dirty has always felt this way to me. Historically, I could poke fun at it, but I couldn't do it with a straight face.
In fact, phone sex back in the days before the webcam craze, held its appeal for me when I learned about its existence because I was amazed at the ability of people, especially women, to talk dirty and not start laughing or make up really silly, inappropriate commentary.
As I dive into my forties with a partner who really floats my boat however, I am finally, for the first time in my adult life, able to to stay in character.
It has opened up entirely new realms of possibilities and allowed me to lose a certain terror that I had about not only talking and thinking about sex, but creatively exploring a mood, a character, a role, a dramatic piece of myself that I'd buried in anxious laughter all these years.
This doesn't have to be complex or strategized. Simple ooh's, aaaahh's and the occasional, "yea, I like that" are great starters. "I love it when you blank your blank in my blankety blank" and, yes, you fill in the blanks. This is juicy, sweet, wonderful warm stuff if you let go of the fear of it. Enjoy!
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