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I got an email from an anonymous cougar who wonders why younger men like older women. She’s had a relationship with a young man and described it as torture, always worried if he’s comparing you to younger women.
Well, I got news for you. He’s already compared you with girls his age. They came up silly, slutty, and boring. You came up intriguing, sexy, and exciting. He went with you. That’s not my opinion. I interviewed my cub, Michael, because, I too have often wondered about this.
Here’s how the conversation went:
Pamela: You’re 28. Why are you attracted to older women?
Michael: Women in their twenties are a) quite boring, b) quite unintelligent, c) only wanting to settle down into some kind of marriage situation, and d) really not bringing much to the table.
Pamela [clearing her throat as she attempts to recover from his pointed analysis]: Top three things that appeal to you about older women?
Michael: Sexually, they know specifically what they want. That helps a younger cub who is not necessarily inexperienced but may lack direction and confidence in terms of how to please a woman. A younger woman in her twenties probably doesn’t know herself or what she likes so wouldn’t be able to communicate it.
Pamela: Why is this sexual confidence so much more attractive?
Michael: It makes for a better, more fulfilling sexual experience.
Pamela: Anything else you like about older women?
Michael: In theory, a cougar is more self-sufficient and they’ll pay for things. A girl in her twenties probably is a student or in transition. It’s not as much fun. You’re limited to what you can do socially and travel-wise.
Third thing I’d say that is appealing about older women is that they’re more sexual. They’re willing to explore more and know what buttons to push to challenge the cub to a higher level of performance.
Pamela: I think you already mentioned sex. It's mostly about sex for you then?
Michael: It’s not just sexual. The summation of the appeal of cougars is they know exactly what they want and they communicate that.
Pamela: Any downside?
Michael: Gray hair. Kidding. I would say social awkwardness and different interests and friends. That makes it more difficult to share things. A cougar’s done a lot of things by her age. She has more specific wants and needs socially. You’re not going to get her to just hang out say.
Another big negative is if they have kids. Also, there’s a limited future in the sense that if you end up falling in love and there isn’t clear communication about expectations, there could be problems. It’s not the same outcome as it might be for an older man marrying a younger woman. It’s less socially accepted for an older woman to be with a younger man so it requires more effort and understanding on both parts.
Lastly, she’s probably out of touch with younger culture.
Pamela: Culture? [snickering] That’s a big word to describe sitting around watching TV.
Michael: And they definitely stereotype.
Pamela: Out of the mouths of babes, is all I can say.
Add a Comment32 Comments
I'm 21 just turned 21 I just got out of a 3 year realationship with this girl she turns 30 on July 9th we got tougher when I was just starting to turn 18 she has 2 kids her son is 9 and she has a little girl that is 3 her birthday is march 8th and mine is march 4th her son thinks the world of me and loves me tells me he loves me we have a huge bond tougher like no other and for the little girl I'm all she knows as daddy she calls me daddy says yes sir to me she tells me everynight everyday that she loves me I would take the kids to the park everyday after I got off and got home and spend time with them everday even after work anyway for the kids I'm all they no as daddy i love them like they was my own kids and i think the way i got so attached is cause i found out i couldn't have kids but anyway we got Ingaged and was going to get married I no she loved me and we both loved each other but I tried to get her to settle down and stop partying and clubbing and all that but we didnt like to do the same things as each other i like to hunt fish be outside anything with me being outside and all she wanted to do come home stay in the house or go clubbing or drinking with her friends its not that we didn't love each other we just didnt think the same or nothing dont like to do the same hobies or anything but what I'm trying to say is that I've done have done all my partying and getting arrested and all that I've been sober and clean for almost 2 in a half years like I said im done partying but she wasn't so that goes to show that older women do know what they want and its no where near all about the sexual realationship because I'm 21 I'm ready to settle down with a woman that's at least in her 30's or so I prefer a women that is around 34/35 that knows what's she wants and is not out to just partying and get drunk all the time there's more to life than that an older women is ready to settle down and really love and be happy and live her life on the other hand not trying to say nothing mean or bad about you young women but yall are still horney and running wild they don't know what they want and is no where near ready to settle down and get married and having a happy family
June 10, 2014 - 1:27amThis Comment
I'm 46 and my boyfriend of over a year is 31. At first I felt like I was doing something wrong but now it just seems so normal. More so than with men close to my age and older. He is dark haired with olive skin so has an older look. I happen to look like I'm in my 30's as people have told me. Our looks compliment each other very well. But the important thing is that we like a lot of the same things and have grown very close. He is my best friend. I can't picture my life without him. Age is a number. Most of our friends approve of the relationship. The few that don't are not happy with their love lives so it's easy to be jealous when you see others happy.
August 8, 2013 - 8:51pmThis Comment
i'm 22 years old and my girlfriend is 53. We are both broke, we both love the same music, and we go out on dates everyday to our favorite places. The only anti aging thing she's ever done is dye her hair. She's patient, sweet, gentle, nurturing, funny, and a sexual beast (for several months we've made love about 6 times a week)! But, we didn't dive into sex right away. We took time to get to know each other, and really fall in love. It made the sexual part of our relationship a very special thing. I met her when I was 19, and I love her so much, I couldn't go through life without her. It's not about having money, or looking younger. She's my best friend.
November 22, 2012 - 12:08amThis Comment
wahao, u r mature..lucky her!..i too have amature younger man..i can't believe how mature some of u are..when i was young..gys your age were not that mature..must be a modern thing?..enjoy ur life with her ;)
February 2, 2016 - 3:10amThis Comment
you live in happiness
June 14, 2014 - 3:25amThis Comment
I am 21, I am dating a woman in her 40's, even though I am a uni student she has repeatedly suggested I could leave university and she would have me financially sussed, she's one of those "my money is your money" women, I have reiterated to her I'm not interested in her money, I enjoy her company as we both enjoy the same things, photography, history, arts, etc
She recently gave me access to her credit card which I have mostly used for university books etc, she knows I don't like taking her money. I was asked the 'why do I like older women" question from her, my reasons are as follows
Maturity - girls in there 20's are still young and don't know what they want, before I met her I was dating a 22 year old who always wanted to go out and party, don't get me wrong, I like to party as well but I feel like I've done all my partying at 18, basically I want the same things she does
Interests - I am a photography student at University, something which she also studied so we both have the same interests, music wise we also like the same thing
She's a beautiful woman and money or no money I love her:)
May 15, 2011 - 5:50amThis Comment
If older women are really comfortable in their own skin, then may I suggest for you to quit being a hypocrite and stop buying anti-aging product? :)
May 6, 2011 - 8:39pmThis Comment
and if you think you are really young and gliters, stop using hair creams, stop buying cosmetics and stop making up. your younger appearance must be natural. you are just dying on jealousy, young girl.
June 30, 2014 - 10:18amThis Comment
This is a very interesting topic as I have mainly been with men much younger than myself for most of my dating life. Not because I was looking for younger men but I never looked my age ( so I have been told ) , nor have I acted my age because I have always been interested in current music and topics. Basically, I can have a conversation with most anybody about a lot of topics. Several years ago I was amazed that there was actually a name put to it when I'd first heard the term ,
March 29, 2011 - 2:46am"cougar". I have broken it down to "attitude" ....if you present yourself in a certain manner that will come through. I have been married three times , two of those men were younger than myself . With my second husband I had two sons that are now grown and working on their own journeys. I am not interested in another marriage , I can no longer have children nor do I have any desire to raise anyone else's children. If it sounds selfish to say that "this is my time to live" , then call me selfish. Pets or a lawn and gardens are of no interest to me , I no longer want anyone or anything to be dependent on me. My current friend and I have been together for close to 8 years . He was looking for a woman that was independent , could not get pregnant , pushing him into a relationship or marriage he didn't want as he had goals for his future that he needed some one that understood all of that. We both value education , we are both well read , we learn from each other ......and the sex is increadable !! Because he is still in college we don't get to see each other as much as we would like but we connect by phone, text and E-mail . But when we are together it is magic . He has a business also that keeps him financially solvent , and in all the years we have been together he has never once asked me for funds . Just for those that think he is with me for money. I feel as if I have the best of both worlds with my independence and having this special person in my life. It makes for a wonderful balance. I know you are wondering about our ages , so I won't keep you guessing any longer ... I am 64 and my friend is 38 .
This Comment
I am in a long time relationship with a young man 34 years old and I am 63. I am widowed and he is unmarried. There really is no romance, only a mutual need for each other. In my 50's my sex drive seemed to get much stronger and men my age had far too many problems. I have always been honest with my young man in that I do not actually love him but he is very important to me. We have sex at least 3 times a week and he can really put me thru my paces ! I have always stayed fit and visit the gym 4 days a week. As far as men, he is all I ever need.
September 6, 2017 - 8:00amThis Comment