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Ask A Cougar: Why do Younger Men Like Older Women?

I got an email from an anonymous cougar who wonders why younger men like older women. She’s had a relationship with a young man and described it as torture, always worried if he’s comparing you to younger women.

Well, I got news for you. He’s already compared you with girls his age. They came up silly, slutty, and boring. You came up intriguing, sexy, and exciting. He went with you. That’s not my opinion. I interviewed my cub, Michael, because, I too have often wondered about this.

Here’s how the conversation went:

Pamela: You’re 28. Why are you attracted to older women?

Michael: Women in their twenties are a) quite boring, b) quite unintelligent, c) only wanting to settle down into some kind of marriage situation, and d) really not bringing much to the table.

Pamela [clearing her throat as she attempts to recover from his pointed analysis]: Top three things that appeal to you about older women?

Michael: Sexually, they know specifically what they want. That helps a younger cub who is not necessarily inexperienced but may lack direction and confidence in terms of how to please a woman. A younger woman in her twenties probably doesn’t know herself or what she likes so wouldn’t be able to communicate it.

Pamela: Why is this sexual confidence so much more attractive?

Michael: It makes for a better, more fulfilling sexual experience.

Pamela: Anything else you like about older women?

Michael: In theory, a cougar is more self-sufficient and they’ll pay for things. A girl in her twenties probably is a student or in transition. It’s not as much fun. You’re limited to what you can do socially and travel-wise.

Third thing I’d say that is appealing about older women is that they’re more sexual. They’re willing to explore more and know what buttons to push to challenge the cub to a higher level of performance.

Pamela: I think you already mentioned sex. It's mostly about sex for you then?

Michael: It’s not just sexual. The summation of the appeal of cougars is they know exactly what they want and they communicate that.

Pamela: Any downside?

Michael: Gray hair. Kidding.

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

Add a Comment16 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

I'm 46 and my boyfriend of over a year is 31. At first I felt like I was doing something wrong but now it just seems so normal. More so than with men close to my age and older. He is dark haired with olive skin so has an older look. I happen to look like I'm in my 30's as people have told me. Our looks compliment each other very well. But the important thing is that we like a lot of the same things and have grown very close. He is my best friend. I can't picture my life without him. Age is a number. Most of our friends approve of the relationship. The few that don't are not happy with their love lives so it's easy to be jealous when you see others happy.

August 8, 2013 - 8:51pm

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March 29, 2013 - 9:29pm
EmpowHER Guest

i'm 22 years old and my girlfriend is 53. We are both broke, we both love the same music, and we go out on dates everyday to our favorite places. The only anti aging thing she's ever done is dye her hair. She's patient, sweet, gentle, nurturing, funny, and a sexual beast (for several months we've made love about 6 times a week)! But, we didn't dive into sex right away. We took time to get to know each other, and really fall in love. It made the sexual part of our relationship a very special thing. I met her when I was 19, and I love her so much, I couldn't go through life without her. It's not about having money, or looking younger. She's my best friend.

November 22, 2012 - 12:08am
EmpowHER Guest

I am 21, I am dating a woman in her 40's, even though I am a uni student she has repeatedly suggested I could leave university and she would have me financially sussed, she's one of those "my money is your money" women, I have reiterated to her I'm not interested in her money, I enjoy her company as we both enjoy the same things, photography, history, arts, etc

She recently gave me access to her credit card which I have mostly used for university books etc, she knows I don't like taking her money. I was asked the 'why do I like older women" question from her, my reasons are as follows

Maturity - girls in there 20's are still young and don't know what they want, before I met her I was dating a 22 year old who always wanted to go out and party, don't get me wrong, I like to party as well but I feel like I've done all my partying at 18, basically I want the same things she does

Interests - I am a photography student at University, something which she also studied so we both have the same interests, music wise we also like the same thing

She's a beautiful woman and money or no money I love her:)

May 15, 2011 - 5:50am
EmpowHER Guest

If older women are really comfortable in their own skin, then may I suggest for you to quit being a hypocrite and stop buying anti-aging product? :)

May 6, 2011 - 8:39pm
EmpowHER Guest

This is a very interesting topic as I have mainly been with men much younger than myself for most of my dating life. Not because I was looking for younger men but I never looked my age ( so I have been told ) , nor have I acted my age because I have always been interested in current music and topics. Basically, I can have a conversation with most anybody about a lot of topics. Several years ago I was amazed that there was actually a name put to it when I'd first heard the term ,
"cougar". I have broken it down to "attitude" ....if you present yourself in a certain manner that will come through. I have been married three times , two of those men were younger than myself . With my second husband I had two sons that are now grown and working on their own journeys. I am not interested in another marriage , I can no longer have children nor do I have any desire to raise anyone else's children. If it sounds selfish to say that "this is my time to live" , then call me selfish. Pets or a lawn and gardens are of no interest to me , I no longer want anyone or anything to be dependent on me. My current friend and I have been together for close to 8 years . He was looking for a woman that was independent , could not get pregnant , pushing him into a relationship or marriage he didn't want as he had goals for his future that he needed some one that understood all of that. We both value education , we are both well read , we learn from each other ......and the sex is increadable !! Because he is still in college we don't get to see each other as much as we would like but we connect by phone, text and E-mail . But when we are together it is magic . He has a business also that keeps him financially solvent , and in all the years we have been together he has never once asked me for funds . Just for those that think he is with me for money. I feel as if I have the best of both worlds with my independence and having this special person in my life. It makes for a wonderful balance. I know you are wondering about our ages , so I won't keep you guessing any longer ... I am 64 and my friend is 38 .

March 29, 2011 - 2:46am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Awesome. Just Lovely. I have a little crush on a fine 28 year old man. I am 42. From what I see, he is happy, intelligent, caring enough to want to help those who serve(d) by why of a nonprofit and I would love to spend a few moments with this kind young man. I plan on accepting how it goes, graciously. If he is thinking the same as I, FANTASTIC!!!!! And if not, a very lucky other lady sure has something good coming her way. As for the term 'Cougar'. I think it is kind of cute and whimsical. Who cares? Everyone calm down. This country has anough hot messes to worry about, other than rather or not the term cougar should be used.
ANYWAY..... I would rather have a non ~ cheating kind sexy nonperfect man in his 20's than the lying same age as me narcissistic sack I dated on and off for 3 heart wrenching years!!!!!!

April 7, 2011 - 3:02pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I have a crush on a younger man. Let's call him Mr. M. I don't know how much younger he is, but I know that I am older. It started two months ago when he seriously made his presence known to me. Mr. M looked in my eyes and let me know that he is into me. I kind of freaked out. My mouth fell open. I think I was in shock. For the last four weeks, we have been doing some serious flirting. I think he is about to ask me out. I'm kind of freaked out because I am 43, and Mr. M might be younger than 25. The funny thing is that I look a lot younger than I am (30ish), so I don't think he has any idea how old I am. I get carded to buy booze. I've dropped some hints with references to pop culture, but it does not seem to faze him. Usually, no, not usually, I always go for the older guy, so this is a surreal experience for me. Mr. M is a happy person, and I feel good around him. Plus, Mr. M excites me in a way that I have not felt since...I cannot remember when. I usually talk myself into liking a man; I do not have to do that with Mr. M because the attraction is there in spades. So, I started feeling a little like a pervert because he is so much younger than me. I have said nothing to my friends because I am afraid what they will say. All I can do is go with the flow and be open to new possibilities.

November 27, 2013 - 4:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous "cub" ? pays the bills,buys awesome gifts,treats me like the beautiful female God created me to be.
He is a treasure and my heart.
Not only am I very proud of him I am blessed with him in my life.
My mornings start with Good morning pretty baby,I love you.he says that every single morning. Who wouldn't love that?
Update, we are married now.
I do my art full time and have never been this happy.
Maybe you should take the and let live to heart.
Possibly try living your life and not just existing in it.
Your judgemental statement sounds like you have lost someone to an older female or man?
Life is too good to waste.
Let go of your hate,anger and jealousy
Be happy

February 5, 2011 - 9:38pm
EmpowHER Guest

totally depends on the couple. I'm female and 50 my best friend and companion is 35, our lives are existing and wonderful!
We both are artist and travel a lot...lot is never ending and we learn from each other everyday.
this morning i woke up to a kiss then he said,you are so precious to me, please promise never ever to leave.
I do n ot support him, actually he has a lot more money than i do.
so, what it is worth,I would not trade him for anything!
3 years and still its like a wonderful dream!

October 26, 2010 - 5:19pm
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