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I got an email from an anonymous cougar who wonders why younger men like older women. She’s had a relationship with a young man and described it as torture, always worried if he’s comparing you to younger women.
Well, I got news for you. He’s already compared you with girls his age. They came up silly, slutty, and boring. You came up intriguing, sexy, and exciting. He went with you. That’s not my opinion. I interviewed my cub, Michael, because, I too have often wondered about this.
Here’s how the conversation went:
Pamela: You’re 28. Why are you attracted to older women?
Michael: Women in their twenties are a) quite boring, b) quite unintelligent, c) only wanting to settle down into some kind of marriage situation, and d) really not bringing much to the table.
Pamela [clearing her throat as she attempts to recover from his pointed analysis]: Top three things that appeal to you about older women?
Michael: Sexually, they know specifically what they want. That helps a younger cub who is not necessarily inexperienced but may lack direction and confidence in terms of how to please a woman. A younger woman in her twenties probably doesn’t know herself or what she likes so wouldn’t be able to communicate it.
Pamela: Why is this sexual confidence so much more attractive?
Michael: It makes for a better, more fulfilling sexual experience.
Pamela: Anything else you like about older women?
Michael: In theory, a cougar is more self-sufficient and they’ll pay for things. A girl in her twenties probably is a student or in transition. It’s not as much fun. You’re limited to what you can do socially and travel-wise.
Third thing I’d say that is appealing about older women is that they’re more sexual. They’re willing to explore more and know what buttons to push to challenge the cub to a higher level of performance.
Pamela: I think you already mentioned sex. It's mostly about sex for you then?
Michael: It’s not just sexual. The summation of the appeal of cougars is they know exactly what they want and they communicate that.
Pamela: Any downside?
Michael: Gray hair. Kidding. I would say social awkwardness and different interests and friends. That makes it more difficult to share things. A cougar’s done a lot of things by her age. She has more specific wants and needs socially. You’re not going to get her to just hang out say.
Another big negative is if they have kids. Also, there’s a limited future in the sense that if you end up falling in love and there isn’t clear communication about expectations, there could be problems. It’s not the same outcome as it might be for an older man marrying a younger woman. It’s less socially accepted for an older woman to be with a younger man so it requires more effort and understanding on both parts.
Lastly, she’s probably out of touch with younger culture.
Pamela: Culture? [snickering] That’s a big word to describe sitting around watching TV.
Michael: And they definitely stereotype.
Pamela: Out of the mouths of babes, is all I can say.
Add a Comment32 Comments
Awesome. Just Lovely. I have a little crush on a fine 28 year old man. I am 42. From what I see, he is happy, intelligent, caring enough to want to help those who serve(d) by why of a nonprofit and I would love to spend a few moments with this kind young man. I plan on accepting how it goes, graciously. If he is thinking the same as I, FANTASTIC!!!!! And if not, a very lucky other lady sure has something good coming her way. As for the term 'Cougar'. I think it is kind of cute and whimsical. Who cares? Everyone calm down. This country has anough hot messes to worry about, other than rather or not the term cougar should be used.
April 7, 2011 - 3:02pmANYWAY..... I would rather have a non ~ cheating kind sexy nonperfect man in his 20's than the lying same age as me narcissistic sack I dated on and off for 3 heart wrenching years!!!!!!
This Comment
I have a crush on a younger man. Let's call him Mr. M. I don't know how much younger he is, but I know that I am older. It started two months ago when he seriously made his presence known to me. Mr. M looked in my eyes and let me know that he is into me. I kind of freaked out. My mouth fell open. I think I was in shock. For the last four weeks, we have been doing some serious flirting. I think he is about to ask me out. I'm kind of freaked out because I am 43, and Mr. M might be younger than 25. The funny thing is that I look a lot younger than I am (30ish), so I don't think he has any idea how old I am. I get carded to buy booze. I've dropped some hints with references to pop culture, but it does not seem to faze him. Usually, no, not usually, I always go for the older guy, so this is a surreal experience for me. Mr. M is a happy person, and I feel good around him. Plus, Mr. M excites me in a way that I have not felt since...I cannot remember when. I usually talk myself into liking a man; I do not have to do that with Mr. M because the attraction is there in spades. So, I started feeling a little like a pervert because he is so much younger than me. I have said nothing to my friends because I am afraid what they will say. All I can do is go with the flow and be open to new possibilities.
November 27, 2013 - 4:04pmThis Comment
ummm...........my "cub" ? pays the bills,buys awesome gifts,treats me like the beautiful female God created me to be.
February 5, 2011 - 9:38pmHe is a treasure and my heart.
Not only am I very proud of him I am blessed with him in my life.
My mornings start with Good morning pretty baby,I love you.he says that every single morning. Who wouldn't love that?
Update, we are married now.
I do my art full time and have never been this happy.
Maybe you should take the line...live and let live to heart.
Possibly try living your life and not just existing in it.
Your judgemental statement sounds like you have lost someone to an older female or man?
Life is too good to waste.
Let go of your hate,anger and jealousy
Nameste
Be happy
This Comment
totally depends on the couple. I'm female and 50 my best friend and companion is 35, our lives are existing and wonderful!
October 26, 2010 - 5:19pmWe both are artist and travel a lot...lot is never ending and we learn from each other everyday.
this morning i woke up to a kiss then he said,you are so precious to me, please promise never ever to leave.
I do n ot support him, actually he has a lot more money than i do.
so, what it is worth,I would not trade him for anything!
3 years and still its like a wonderful dream!
This Comment
Every article I've read says men like cougars for the same 5 reasons
#1. because it makes men feel secure. The guys know the cougar is grateful to be with them and won't be leaving him any time soon. Correct me if this is wrong but neither person in a relationship should feel they are better than the other and it certainly shouldn't make the cougar feel good to have the lower hand.
#2. The cougar is financial secure so the guy won't have to pay for things but will instead be showered with gifts. There is a word for this. We call it prostitution.
#3. The cougar is comfortable with there bodies and tries harder to maintain themselves. This is a contradiction if we ever heard one. Any person that is trying hard to prevent natural aging is obviously NOT comfortable with the aging process and thus not comfortable with themselves.
#4. The cougar is more sexually experienced. Although many women 45-55 do indeed know what they want and how to get it, a good majority have spent 10 to 15 of those years married to same lousy partner with the same 8 minute routine. How is that experience?
and reason #5. Cougars come with less drama and baggage. Someone divorced with kids cannot possibly have any more drama or baggage in there life.
Before we get our panties in a bunch, I realize I am stereotyping the definition of cougar and the aforementioned does not apply to all or even a majority. I am simply stating that the reasons men give are BULL****! You should not feel proud to be dating a "cub" that is using you for money or security or sex. The truth is our society has glamorized the idea of women dating younger men to counteract the hurt we feel for men dating young women. And yet we put ourselves in the same category with the trait we hate. The more we glamorize it, the less taboo it will become and the less young men will want a cougar. Have you noticed the statistical analysis that 20 to 30 year old women no longer desire 50 year old men the way they did 20 years ago.
February 5, 2011 - 5:03pmThis Comment
'i realize i am stereotyping...'
you sound demoralized, bitter & resentful :?/
i would not look to you for how i 'should' or 'should not' feel about my relationships, thank you very much.
i'm 41, never married, without children, & enjoy my body at peak fitness. no contradiction there, sweetie. my sexual history runs the gamut from one-nighters to ltr's (12 years with 2 men), & everything in between.
i'm happy to be an ego boost to my boyfriend. you seem to prefer being a negative, nagging nancy.
good luck in finding your every happiness, you clearly need it. :)
May 4, 2014 - 2:35pmThis Comment
well, I am 45 my cub is 28... we have a break up, back together, break up back together thing going on, about 1 and 1/2 years now. He wants kids, I cant have kids, I know we dont have a future but Im enjoying what we have now...so just enjoy the attention, enjoy the moments, thats what I say
October 15, 2010 - 1:43pmThis Comment
Don't give up on having kids. My wife believed she couldn't have children when we married. She was 42, divorced from a ten year marriage. She had spent years and had several ivf treatments. We were able to naturally conceive. Now she's 47, and we're expecting our third child. All things are possible.
July 14, 2016 - 8:09pmThis Comment
I agree with most of the things I've read above,but I myself is in a relationship with an older woman,we've been dating for about 12months,and last night was the first time she asked my why I liked other women,after I asked her question,then I asked her,why do she think younger men like oler women,and she said cuz or finanacial reasons,which kind of bothered me a lot,and I'm very interested to know where she got that from,cuz her "money" is not even on the list of reasons why I'm attracted to her,I never been the asking females for money type,especially the female I'm dating,it has always been like that,even if It was a life of death situation,I still wouldn't ask,that's how its been,and that's how its always gonna be.So I just wanna know is there any females out there who thinks like my girlfriend is thinking
July 8, 2010 - 12:31pmThis Comment
that was a funny interview but insightful at the same time! ha ha!
January 3, 2010 - 9:31pmThis Comment