After going through the first little while with constantly looking after a child who is completely dependent on its parent, leaving the child alone for the first time can be difficult for both the child and the parent. It would be nice to go out for some fun without the kid in tow, but actually doing it can be difficult because the parent, especially the mother, can have a hard time doing this. The first time has to come sometime and sooner is better than later. Eventually, the child is going to have to be on their own and the parent will have to learn to let go and let the child find some of their independence.
Leaving the child with another caregiver for the first time can be stressful. The worries start popping into mind about whether the caregiver is able to give the child the attention they need, whether the facility is as safe as it is supposed to be and so on. Putting these worries to rest is probably the best way to disperse a parent’s worst fear of something serious happening to their child. First, one can take the time to sit down and talk with the caregiver. This will give the parent the opportunity to find out more about the person who will be taking care of their child, and this will also give the parent the opportunity to share their child’s dislikes, likes and needs with the caregiver. The next step would be to visit the place where your child is going to be cared for, if he/she is not being looked after in your own home, to rest the worries about an unsafe environment. If the first two steps work out well and the parent feels the caregiver is going to be the right one to look after their child, then the parent will have to get their child used to the new caregiver. This can easily be done by taking the child for brief visits with the new caregiver and then leaving them there for a short time. This will give the child time to become familiar with the caregiver and the new environment so that it will be easier for them to be left there. They will also quickly get the idea that their parent will be back to get them later and that they are not being abandoned there. Building a friendly relationship with the caregiver will also help to give security to the child because they see that their parent is alright with this person and that this person is safe.
There are situations where separation anxiety can be a more difficult issue to deal with. Online therapist can offer some helpful advice and suggestions in how to deal with both the parent’s and child’s separation anxiety, so that both can be comfortable when they have to spend time apart. An online counselor can being contacted by parents all the time in regards to this, because it can be such a hard step to take. There are some children who throw huge fits and the parents will feel too guilty to leave the child alone. Through online therapy we can work with the parents to make the transition easier for both them and their child.
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Agreed with both of you. In this situation, it is not the child that suffers from seperation anxiety even though that is the official word from the DSM, it is the parents that make it difficult. It is a rite of passage and one that needs to happen,so why not make it fun and enjoyable. We tend to make a bigger deal about things than most countries and this is one of them. I agree with the patterns and making sure that the facitilies are up to par, but when the time comes to get your kids excited about going, that is all the parent's responsibilty.
Daycares and schools know that the quicker the better. Anyone that has a problem lingering should do drop off from the car(for school) and leave as quick as possible for daycare. If you are upset (yes your aloud to be upset), go to your car and have a cry, call someone and talk about it, just put on a good front for your kids and it will get easier.
Dr. Jennifer Baxt, DMFT, NCC, DCC
August 15, 2008 - 6:02am]]>[email protected]]]>
http://www.completecounselingsolutions.com
This Comment
Admittedly, I'm not the "mother hen" type, and I really didn't experience the level of separation anxiety that I know lots of moms have. My anxiety was more about the quality of the day care facility, the qualifications of the staff, the quality of teaching staff at the school, the safety of the school - not so much about whether or not my child would survive a day without me (or, vice versa).
My hubby, on the other hand, balances the scale and is the one who suffered separation anxiety. Even on the day he realized we were officially empty nesters, he wanted me to call the kids a dozen times to make sure they were okay. Put this in perspective: our oldest will be 30 next year, lol!
I do agree with the rituals Tina mentions. I think that the child takes cues from the parent in how to behave, any anxieties and fears. If being dropped off in day care or school is treated as a happy event to look forward to, it will be. My boys were very adventurous (okay, another, kinder, gentler word for precocious), while my daughter was very shy. All the same, it seems that, as long as they sensed I was okay with things, they could be, too.
Clingy parents create clingy kids.
August 14, 2008 - 4:14pmThis Comment
Great tips for parents looking to deal with separation anxiety. kidshealth.org also offers the following to ease the situation:
* Timing is everything. ... Try not to leave when your child is likely to be tired, hungry, or restless. If at all possible, schedule your departures for after naps and mealtimes.
* Practice. Practice being apart from each other, and introduce new people and places gradually. If you're planning to leave your child with a relative or a new babysitter, then invite that person over in advance so they can spend time together while you're in the room. If your child is starting at a new day care center or preschool, make a few visits there together before a full-time schedule begins. Practice leaving your child with a caregiver for short periods of time so that he or she can get used to being away from you.
* Be calm and consistent. Create a exit ritual during which you say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. Stay calm and show confidence in your child. Reassure him or her that you'll be back — and explain how long it will be until you return using concepts kids will understand (such as after lunch) because your child can't yet understand time. Give him or her your full attention when you say goodbye, and when you say you're leaving, mean it; coming back will only make things worse.
* Follow through on promises. It's important to make sure that you return when you have promised to. This is critical — this is how your child will develop the confidence that he or she can make it through the time apart.
Can anyone else share tips on what has worked for them?
August 14, 2008 - 8:32amThis Comment