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Tips for Being in a Relationship With a Man Who Has Asperger's or Autism

By Rheyanne Weaver HERWriter
 
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Tips for Being in a Relationship With a Man Who Has Asperger's or Autism 3 5 31
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Being involved in a successful romantic relationship can be difficult for most people. Consider all the breakup self-help books available, the movies portraying cheating significant others, constant fighting and dramatic breakups, and your own relationship history.

Do you think these difficulties increase or decrease for someone with a mental disorder? Let’s just say that it’s not easy to have a relationship while trying to function “normally” in the world.

For people who have Asperger’s disorder or autistic disorder, social interaction is complicated. Although people with Asperger’s are thought to have high-functioning autism, they still have social problems. For example, people with Asperger’s don’t contribute as much socially and emotionally, and they don’t know how to use nonverbal behaviors as well, like eye contact, according to an abnormal psychology textbook.

Interaction and emotional reciprocity are important in relationships, so it’s no wonder that it would be a challenge for someone with Asperger’s or autism to be in a relationship. Although this doesn’t happen for everyone, it’s a stereotype that someone with these disorders will not share his or her emotions as frequently. For example, they might not say “I love you” or show affection as often, because they don’t understand and express emotions as well as the typical person.

If you decide to be in a relationship with someone who has Asperger’s or autism, it seems there are some things you have to consider to help the relationship work. Keep in mind, this may not apply to everyone who has Asperger’s or autism. There is the proposed autism spectrum disorder, which places autism and Asperger’s together. Basic symptoms will be the same, but specifics may differ.

This is what I have observed after being in a short relationship with someone who thought he had Asperger’s and through reading different articles:

1) Don’t assume the other person is uninterested, just because he isn’t telling you he likes you or finds you attractive. Decide what you think of him and let him know.

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I just want someone who will want me for being me, who can look past my autism and see the person I am, instead of the disability I have. The tips are good, but I think the best thing people need to understand about people with autism, high functioning or otherwise, is that we're still people with emotions, whether we know how to show them or not.

March 3, 2016 - 6:50am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Not sure if you will ever see this but I just wanted to give you some encouragement that what you are looking for is out there! I've been dating my boyfriend with aspergers and I absolutely love him. I love that he's quirky, socially awkward, and sometimes has trouble communicating haha but I also see how much love this boy has to give. It all comes down to finding someone who can compliment both your strengths and weaknesses. My family and friends adore him and I think the key to this was our constant communication. Try and find someone who can communicate in a logical manner, who loves to problem solve, and who sees the intention behind the action. All the best :)

March 29, 2016 - 10:01pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Thanks for this.

What advice do you have for Women with Asperger's Disorder trying to have a relationship with a man? He complains that I don't know how to show respect--and I try, but I always fail.

Pointers for the opposite of this? Because there is already a lot out here online written for NT's who are trying to understand people on the Autism Spectrum. There's a lot less focus on helping Autistic people understand the rest of y'all.

January 26, 2016 - 6:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

My AS husband and I have been married for 16 years. At first it was rough. In the middle, it was a little better. Now it is just fine. Truly, I think that love has to do with accepting and understanding a person for who they are (including their challenges). Love is seeing more in a person than what appears on the surface. Quite frankly, when you get right down to the internal workings of people, AS people are really not that different from NT people. They just sometimes have a different way of communicating their thoughts and intentions, which NTs tend to hugely misinterpret. When NTs are open to really get to know AS people on a deeper level, connections are easier to find.

February 4, 2016 - 9:28am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have been dating a guy online with Autism who is a famous Dj in Korea. He is Korean and lately he has been angry at me telling me to act like an adult. Because he thinks I am acting immature, he says he can not take it no more and wants to end the relationship. He has not yet taken me off his relationship status on Facebook and he only just said these words to me yesterday. I really want to get him to talk to me over the phone but he doesn't like to communicate and never was clear on what made me look immature to him. He doesn't come online often and never takes the time to talk things over when ever I do something that angers him which leaves me clueless on why he is being that way and I try to ask him to talk it out with me so we can work things out instead of him wanting to break up with me. I was planning on going to see him in Korea once I had the money.

All I can do right now is give him time. He has gotten mad at me before and had a friend tell me that he was breaking up but he never came to me to say that we were still together so our friend who is my best friend told me herself on what he said to her.

I am being patient with him and I am trying to encourage him and give him time. I also let him come to me.

November 27, 2015 - 1:43am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Saying to the other to act mature is typically an autistics thing.
My ex-boyfriend with Asperger said that to me a few months ago, while I am a woman with a great career, Master-degree, bought a house, and mother of two. While he is a bachelor student for 8 years, without a job and being engaged with someone just for having a roof above his head and having food. He is not able to get a place on his own, nor is he able to get a job.
Who is the immiture? Don't worry about what he said. Probably he was clunked in his own personal problems.

January 8, 2016 - 5:19pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

My ex-boyfriend was like this as well! 41 now and still living with his parents, did not finish uni, works in a factory, takes his faith a few steps too far and has an Asian girlfriend/fiancee that he never met (who probably will do everything he tells her to do). He has the emotional maturity of a toddler.

I am so glad I escaped a life of misery!!!

January 21, 2016 - 1:39pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Maybe you could try doing a couple of things he tells you he needs done instead of showing him who is the boss.

March 16, 2016 - 8:09am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Should Aspergers be described as a ' mental disorder, ?'
What's everyone's thoughts on that?

August 3, 2015 - 1:38pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

It's considered a personality disorder. Calling it a mental disorder makes it sound like we're mentally deficient, though most Aspies have above average intelligence.

January 26, 2016 - 6:13pm
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.