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Tips for Being in a Relationship With a Man Who Has Asperger's or Autism

By Rheyanne Weaver HERWriter
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Being involved in a successful romantic relationship can be difficult for most people. Consider all the breakup self-help books available, the movies portraying cheating significant others, constant fighting and dramatic breakups, and your own relationship history.

Do you think these difficulties increase or decrease for someone with a mental disorder? Let’s just say that it’s not easy to have a relationship while trying to function “normally” in the world.

For people who have Asperger’s disorder or autistic disorder, social interaction is complicated. Although people with Asperger’s are thought to have high-functioning autism, they still have social problems. For example, people with Asperger’s don’t contribute as much socially and emotionally, and they don’t know how to use nonverbal behaviors as well, like eye contact, according to an abnormal psychology textbook.

Interaction and emotional reciprocity are important in relationships, so it’s no wonder that it would be a challenge for someone with Asperger’s or autism to be in a relationship. Although this doesn’t happen for everyone, it’s a stereotype that someone with these disorders will not share his or her emotions as frequently. For example, they might not say “I love you” or show affection as often, because they don’t understand and express emotions as well as the typical person.

If you decide to be in a relationship with someone who has Asperger’s or autism, it seems there are some things you have to consider to help the relationship work. Keep in mind, this may not apply to everyone who has Asperger’s or autism. There is the proposed autism spectrum disorder, which places autism and Asperger’s together. Basic symptoms will be the same, but specifics may differ.

This is what I have observed after being in a short relationship with someone who thought he had Asperger’s and through reading different articles:

1) Don’t assume the other person is uninterested, just because he isn’t telling you he likes you or finds you attractive. Decide what you think of him and let him know.

Add a Comment50 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

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July 25, 2014 - 8:17pm
EmpowHER Guest

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EmpowHER Guest

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July 15, 2014 - 4:14pm
EmpowHER Guest

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July 15, 2014 - 3:41pm
EmpowHER Guest

Pretty sad stories I just read here. I quit the relationship with a man I dearly love(d). I couldn't understand his distant behaviour. Very quickly he wanted to get married, but it was all too soon for me. I doubted a lot. How could say he loved me and wanting to get married, while he hardly knew me personally? He didn't ask about my past, my family, my thought, feelings or dreams. Heart to heart conversations were absent. Then what is it he loved about me? My taking care of him and being there for him? In the end of our relationship, he suddenly demanded certain things from me, things that he had read in the bible. He took them to an extreme, as his world view is black and white. Never in my life I felt as lonely, unwanted, unseen and uncherished as in my time with him. I almost ignored my feelings, out of love for him. But neither of us would have been happy together. Although it broke my heart, I left him. Of course he didn't understand and the sad thing is.... he never will. And I.... I left the love of my life behind, for my own sanity.

June 11, 2014 - 2:53pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

My love interest has never asked about my past, family, thoughts, feelings or dreams either. I continue to be interested, want to be his girlfriend in the worst way, even if it's to find out "the hard way." Maybe subconsciously I can't process rejection or need a challenge but what I'm conscious of is that he's the best catch I've ever had in my life (at 51) in terms of common background/interests/lifestyle, and that he has so much going for him in terms job/financial security, and that I'm incredibly attracted to him. I know he'd be faithful, nonviolent and smart with money. Argh!

June 11, 2014 - 3:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Well I hope this relationship is going to work for you. But from what you wrote, I am fearful. It seems to be a lot about him. So many women end up lonely, rejected and unloved. I found this website particularly helpful: http://aspergerwife.webs.com/

All the best to you!!

June 11, 2014 - 10:44pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

(I'm the one who started out her post saying i'm 50) - it's my reply above.

June 11, 2014 - 3:07pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

And only after the relationship I found the reason for his behaviour: Asperger's. At least, that is what I am convinced of. He is either a selfish jerk or he has Asperger's and I am sure he's not the first.

June 11, 2014 - 2:55pm
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