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boyfriend no longer seems to want any sexual contact with me except bjs!

By Anonymous November 16, 2014 - 3:48am
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I'm desperate for some advice as this situation with my other half has been getting worse and worse for the last year or so now. Basically I've been with my man for over two years and at first the sex was magical, with both of our needs being met whenever and wherever we wanted. I know he has a few issues from previous relationships and he won't give oral sex which I'm fine with but (as I have a very high sex drive) we always did other things to please each other.

Fast forward a year and i became pregnant, and a few times I faked orgasms with him because sex became very difficult for me, and it turns out he knew I faked it and was extremely hurt. He kept this secret from me and instead of having a normal sex life he began watching porn and pleasing himself instead. I also used to give bjs whenever he asked as I was worried we would lose all intimacy in our relationship and tbh that seems to have happened anyway. He now will hardly ever have sex with me, he won't touch me but still expects me to touch him (which I am now not doing).

I'm getting really quite depressed about this as now we have a beautiful 10 month year old girl but our love life consists of arguments and maybe an occasional lovemaking session that lasts about 5 minutes and only occurs once every month or so. I've even suggested we watch porn to try to spice things up, and I've dressed up for him but nothing seems to work. Apparently I'm just pressuring him although I barely bring it up. I'm so fed up of feeling ashamed of my high libido, but I don't want to leave him :( please help.

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Hi Anonymous. Thanks for sharing your story and concerns with the EmpowHER community.

First, there is no reason for you to feel "ashamed" that you have a libido, this is perfectly normal and natural.

The real issue seems to be that your husband is no longer interested in having sex with you and there may be trust issues at play as well.

You may find this article, written for the EmpowHER community, will help you put the situation into perspective and give you some ideas of how to go forward: Why Doesn't He Want to Have Sex With Me?

The two of you need to approach this adult problem like adults. That may mean a heart to heart talk, or it may mean seeking professional counseling. You will know what's best for you. Get the help you need, stop blaming yourself and focus on whether the relationship can be repaired or if it's time to end it.

Hope that helps,


November 16, 2014 - 12:11pm
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