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Difficult abortion question

By Anonymous February 2, 2009 - 10:27am
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My little cousin is pregnant at 14 years of age and her mother wants her to have an abortion, as she doesn't have the means or the desire to mostly raise another child. She is in her late 40's herself.
My cousin does not want to have one. Not particularly for moral reasons but it seems, mostly to be difficult with her mother.
She is a bright girl with a great future ahead which, the mother feels will be negatively affected by having a child at such a young age.

What on earth can my aunt do?....no one is open to the idea of adoption.
I agree myself that an abortion is the best idea. My cousin received much sex education from a young age. We all thought that she would be more sensible than this but now that it has happened everone is distraught.
She is only a month gone. I feel that it will tear the family apart.Please help!

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EmpowHER Guest

what will happen if the bleeding suddenly stops after i consumed the pills the doctor gave me?

September 22, 2009 - 9:45am
(reply to Anonymous)

I also wanted to add that Diane and myself are unable to answer your question, as you did not provide answers to Diane's important question: what pills did your doctor prescribe? How much are you bleeding? Did your doctor tell you that you would bleed with your pills?

If your bleeding suddenly stops, you should still see your doctor. If your bleeding continues, you should still see your doctor. And, since today is Tuesday..waiting until the weekend seems very far away. Please call the doctor or nurse-on-call and talk with them about your specific symptoms and concerns, as well as when you should go to the Emergency Room. What should you be expecting from the pills?

I hope this helps.

September 22, 2009 - 12:31pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Anon, I'm so sorry, but there's no way for me to know that. And it doesn't sound like you should wait until this weekend to call your doctor back. Call his office and perhaps talk to his nurse, tell them what's going on and get their opinion, all right? It sounds like you might need to be in a supervised situation, but they would be the best ones to know that.

September 22, 2009 - 10:24am
EmpowHER Guest

hi this is my situation, i went to a doctor and said that i am positive to be pregnant.he gave me medications to abort my baby and now i am bleeding..what can i do to stop myself from bleeding? what medications will i drink and can u give me independent health teachings,please?

September 22, 2009 - 8:41am
(reply to Anonymous)


What medications did your doctor give you? Did he tell you that you would bleed?

It sounds like you need to call your doctor right away, or go to a medical clinic if you can. Can you do that?

September 22, 2009 - 9:41am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

yes,i have an appointment in a medical clinic this weekend..

September 22, 2009 - 9:58am

Anon, whatever happens next, I want you to know that your cousin is lucky to have you in her life. I'm glad that at least with you, she has a small lifeline to the adult world.

Being a teenager is difficult anyway (and parenting one also), and this intensifies everything she would be going through at this age anyway. I hope that with a little counseling and a little bit of time that the family can find the path that will work best for them.

Hang in there. It is difficult for you to watch all this, but you sound like a voice of calm in what's been quite a storm.

February 4, 2009 - 9:28am
EmpowHER Guest

Thanks for all the comments. I have suggested a family counsellor to my aunt and she is making arrangements.My cousin is very influenced by the popularity of her "idols" having babies. She has always looked up to people like Britany and that set. She does not know much about babies herself. She is the the youngest in her family and my family are A LOT older. She seems to feel that my aunt will take care of the baby and almost sees it as a doll or a toy in her head.
My aunt does NOT want this in her life. MY cousin was and is a very difficult kid and my aunt is not ready to go through with this again at 49 years of age.
The father is not in the picture. She is definatley pregnant as my aunt took her to the doctor. My aunt is not for adoption as she feels that if my cousin keeps the baby, it's a done deal and she would be too attached to the child at that point. My cousin, I feel is against adoption as she feels that it is her mother's responsibility to take care of the baby. It's all very confusing.
We are from a "nice" area; white middle class, liberal,none of my cousins friends are pregnant or have had kids. It's very odd that this has happened and caused such a rift. My cousin confides in me a little and I try to give her both sides of the story. She has major issues with her mother and adults in general. I think she was very spoiled as a little kid and feels that adults should do what she wants.

February 3, 2009 - 2:27pm

The other two woman provided wonderful information and advice, and it does sound like a family counselor would be crucial in providing this family with a "sounding board" to help make some important decisions. The 14 year old probably just wants to move-past this event and get on with life as usual. I'm wondering if the teenager has been around babies or other young parents? Does she have real-life experience with what it is like to raise a child? (I remember reading that some young teenagers were having babies because they "wanted someone to love, and someone to love them back". Do you know WHY she wants to have the baby? If there is a chance she wants the baby for these reasons, you can offer her information that babies really don't "love you back" until they are older, and this is hard to cope with in the wee hours of the night! They are selfish little creatures!

There are many different situations, and I'm curious about the teenager's friends...does she have friends who are also teenage parents? Is she in a geographically high risk area for teenage moms? This information may be insignificant, or may not be. I know teenagers are very influenced by their environment, and may provide another clue into her mindset. The other clue is the boy who got her pregnant. Is he still in the picture, and influencing her decision? (Not saying this is good or bad, just more information).

Lastly, I somewhat disagree with the previous two postings, suggesting this teenager's life is about to be over, no matter what her choice. There are many young mothers who have an excellent support system, and have a happy life, go on to college, marry a wonderful husband, etc. I would hope that no matter what this young girl/woman chooses, that she is not hearing that her "life is over" and that she does not have any more choices in her life. That is not a very empowering place to put her in! Please empower her with choices and options, and no matter what she choose, she will be able to fulfill her other dreams...she may have to work a little harder than her peers if she keeps the baby...but her life by no means is over!

And, yes, she can not be made to have an abortion. A family counselor really is the best option for this family, to help make a some quick and important decisions, so this family can move on to helping with the outcomes.

February 3, 2009 - 1:41pm
HERWriter Guide

There are no easy answers or even easy replies. It's a very difficult situation for everyone involved.

As Diane said, she cannot (and should not) be forced or intimidated into having an abortion if she is unwilling. That could have lifetime repercussions. If she really is refusing one just to irritate her mother, it shows just how young she really is. Because that itself is pretty typical of a young teenager. But unfortunately she's a typical young teen with a very grown up problem and that's never a good combination.

But she may truly not wish to have an abortion. If so, then the two other options are raising the child or putting him or her up for adoption. Has she said why she is so against adoption? There are many, many people just waiting to adopt a newborn. If the teen feels it's too overwhelming to give her child up and never see him/her again, some couples are very willing to consider open adoption.

Adoption organizations are widely available to help.

And usually the adoptive couple pay for the biological mother's pregnancy and childbirth expenses. That's important for her to know.

Time is crucial here. A decision will have to be made quite quickly. I hope it's the best one for everyone, but ultimately, the decision is that of your cousin. I can't imagine being 14 and facing this major decision. I hope she is able to take a deep breath and weight all her options. Like Diane suggested, a counselor is an excellent idea.

Please keep us posted.

February 2, 2009 - 1:06pm
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