ask: Have you had "The Talk" about sex with your daughters yet? Can you share any tips?

Great question!

I readily admit that I am a little different in terms of sex education - I view it as no different to an academic education or teaching kids about nutrition, etiquette, manners, and the like.

So I start when I start everything else - really young.

My son was 4 when he first asked about how babies are born/how it all happens and my daughters were 3 and 2. So I told them. I used proper words. I did not explain about the sex act - they are too young and I would worry that they may 'experiment' among themselves or other kids (something not uncommon) but they knew the general gist of how babies come into this world at the age of 3 and 4. The youngest, obviously, is too young.

Now that the older two are 5 and 4, they know how the baby gets in (the mechanicals - ie; the penis and the vagina) but they do not know about the sex act yet. They know the mechanicals of how babies are born and where they come out of (they think it's to-die-for-hilarious) and as they grow older, I'll add details. No silly words, no baby talk.

I don't call their eyes or mouths or arms baby-names so why do it with the word 'penis'?

But it's ok to use terms like "private parts" or "private areas" because as much as we want our kids to be comfortable with their bodies, we need to let them know that these areas are private and a no-touch zone for anyone but themselves.

I'm just one of those people who is very down to earth and unsqueamish about this stuff. It's no big deal to me.

As I said, the important parts of sex ed are to

-not talk down to kids
-use regular words
-try not to laugh (although it's hard. When my 5 year old figured out that my 4 year old would have a baby come out of her private parts he laughed and pointed at her and said HA HA!!!! and I couldn't stop laughing - hey, sex ed can be funny!)
- allow them to ask questions.
- keep it age appropriate! Don't explain love making to a young child- they are not ready for it and may become upset.
- Keep it scientific but simple.
- Keep it a shame-free subject. It's their body, they deserve to know how it works and how the body must be respected.
-Ensure they understand that their body is private, without scaring them in to thinking that someone is out to hurt them.
-no matter what, they can ask you anything or tell you anything about their bodies or about sex ed.
- Teach them that their bodies are a wonderful creation and to take good care of them, to appreciate them and to respect them. Mother Nature is a genius!
- Sexual respect and responsibility is an equal opportunist! Both boys and girls need to know about the risks of pregnancies and STDs/STI's. Aside from the obvious physical differences (which both sexes should know anyway), I think it's crucial that the sexes are treated equally. A pet peeve of mine is people say my girls are beautiful (that part I like!) and to lock them away when they are older, as if the onus of responsibility is on them, and not also on boys. I have a son - he needs to be educated in this aspect too - just as much as my girls.

My personal opinion is to NEVER discuss your own sex life, in any capacity, with your kids. This is private, between two people, and crosses boundaries from parent to child that are very inappropriate.

I don't incorporate a religious aspect to sex ed but if you do, then incorporate your religious teachings when/if appropriate.

Good luck - keep it simple, age-appropriate and be prepared for questions. It's ok to find this subject tricky because it can be!

However, I'd take this subject over death, religion or politics any day!

I don't have children, but I work in the information field. There are many books and videos that are directed at various age groups. There are even some videos that are directed at parents trying to figure out how to talk to their pre-teens and teens.

I would recommend being honest and open. Words and details should vary based on the appropriateness of age, but you should never miss lead a child about sex or reproduction. Using baby language or misdirection could be harmful as the child matures.

The earlier you start talking about this basics, the easier the more complicated conversations will be as the children get older.

I love this question! I have two kids (teens now)the girl is 15 and my son 13. I remember facing this dilemma when my daughter was 3 and I was pregnant with my son. She wanted to know why my belly was growing and was asking many questions. I really did not want to talk to her about "bees and birds" because I felt I was not being honest, but I wanted to protect her innocense too. But I also did not want to get too complicated by using grown up words that a little girl could not understand. So I went to the bookstore and bought the famous book by Lennart Nilsson "A Child Is Born". I sat down with my daughter and we browse through the pictures a few pages each time until we finished the book. The photos are so beautiful and show the whole gestational development of the baby real time. I explained carefully what each picture was about. She loved it so much that it became her favorite book and later on she was able to articulate very maturely the natural process of making babies.

I did the same with my son, but by then I had the sister who wanted to do all the explaining. A few years later a really cute movie came out with John Travolta "Look Who Is Talking", this was a hit at home and became my daughter's an all time favorite. She just rented it again a week or so ago.

I am fortunate to be the (single parent) mom of a remarkable 27 year old police officer/daughter. We are enough alike that this topic raised all sorts of challenges.

With 60/70's sensibilities my approach was "tell it like it is". Interestingly the topic came up when she was very young - 3 years old. She was an "old soul" to begin with - but the questions were pointed and really earned honest answers, matter of fact use of actual names of parts and functions, and more than that - a comfortable trust-building vibe.

Not putting anything in her face, but keeping an eye out for things, we went through a predictable teen age (high school) rebellion. Even so, she knew enough to be empowered to go to the local Planned Parenthood when she didn't want to talk to me - and protect herself, and advise her friends to do the same. It matters at a time when kids are sexually active - and trying to balance that with what they each think is "supposed to be marketed".

I am proud of her - and her choices. While they are hers to own, I do believe with all my heart and soul that being able to start much earlier - or whenever you realize you will need to (that means something in your head has already intuitively picked up the sense it is time to start being open) start addressing the human topic of sexuality, birth control, making smart choices with an eye towards your possible future paths, etc.

Best of luck - and trust your kid and you to make the right choices if you get comfortable with your own sense of things - and trust theirs even during odd teen years.

PS As a daughter in a very traditional Catholic Italian family - this was not intuitive - but you can do it, if I did it! Peace!

I am inspired by reading everyone's positive, non-judgemental, matter-of-fact approach to sex ed. It's wonderful to hear this topic discussed in this manner, without so much emotion and shame. Thanks, everyone!

I have a 2.5 year old son, and want to provide him with as much age-appropriate information on all topics, including sexuality. I agree with Susan...girls seem to be the gate-keepers of sexuality as they mature, and I would like to change that trend, so that boys are equally responsible.

So, I have also started sex education with my son. What does this mean for a 2 year old? It means when he points to a body part, calling it by its real name, and not making faces or being squeamish about it. He's got eyes, nose, elbows, and yes, a penis, that he should know the correct names for. The other part of our sex education for a toddler is teaching him to be respectful of others, communicate by using his words, and to stand up for himself and others. In his world, this usually involves toys and playing with other toddlers. But, it won't be long until these skills will translate into other real-world scenarios! When he is playing with a toy, and another toddler grabs for it, we teach him to say, "my turn", to stand up for himself. When a toddler grabs for a toy someone else is playing with, we're teaching him to say, "Sam's turn", to help stand up for others, be fair, and help others use their "big boy words". I think this will also help with bullying (provided he learns more words by then..ha ha!).

In all seriousness, the above toy scenarios are the ones that can build good communication skills, respect, valuing equality, self-esteem, confidence, and more. Then, as he is older, he can (hopefully!!) be able to confront difficult situations verbally, stand up for himself and others respectfully, reason through choices, etc. I really do believe that "sex ed" is no different than any other topic, because you need these same skills for most other situations in life also.

It will get trickier as he is older, no doubt, but I'm hoping we are building a strong foundation in order to add small amounts of information throughout his life, and not have to start with "one big talk" that is uncomfortable. And, if we have more children and any of them are female, then we would do the exact same thing.

Thanks for the great discussion!

The first experience I had with this topic was when I was around 6 years old. I had heard a friend use the S word, so I asked my mother what she was talking about. Her reply:

Don't you EVER say that word EVER EVER AGAIN!!!!

And now, being 21, I can safely assume that that was to be the extent of my parental sex education, as I've not heard a word on the topic since. I thought I was sick or something when I got my period (at 10, pretty young, but I should have been taught SOMETHING by then), and I didn't tell my mom about it for three days. She could not have handled it more poorly than this.

No matter what you do, tell your kids at least something!! My mom is quite lucky she popped out a smart one, because I know too many young ladies in the same situation that thought doing jumping jacks after sex was a good birth control method. They had just never been exposed to any truth about sex and were too scared by their parents' attitudes to ask questions.

I had The Talk with my 11yr old daughter & 12yr old son recently. The books 'What's the big secret' by Laurie Krasny Brown & Marc Brown really really helped! Not sure what I would have done without it. I was dreading the moment myself :)

hollaaaa, i'm a 15 year old girl and my momma talked to me about "sex" last year.
She is a very caring parent and helped me know why it's better to wait until marrage.
I honestly am going to wait :) thankss mommie.<3

Before giving my answers, I have to explain that I am a stepmother... and my oldest stepdaughter is only 12 years younger than I am. When she was 10, she asked me a question (about hair in strange places) that I was not prepared to answer... so I sympathize with what you are about to go through. I tried combining all of the vital conversations into one... and this was a mistake. Ultimately, she was under the impression that a period is something you go to the doctor for and all of her questions only confirmed this theory of hers (does it hurt? How come boys don't get it? Do you really have to get it every month?) until I finally caught on to her confusion and realized that the best way to do it, is to be blunt...

At the same time, as you'll read in many of my articles on post rape stress disorder I also have a very absurd perception of sex, so I was even more nervous about having this conversation.

Now, the confusion of puberty has passed and she has blossomed into a beautiful 13 year old girl. By blossomed, I also mean I am ready to make her wear turtlenecks all summer long to cover up.

But, to get to your questions... you're BOTH going to be very nervous and uncomfortable when you have "the talk" but... practice makes perfect. It may help that I am younger, and I remember what it was like being her age... but girls of this generation often try to act older than they are and it's important that have a clear understanding of the consequences of their actions... and the only way to know that is to fully understand those actions themselves.

I wish somebody had talked to her when she was younger, because a 10 year old girl should already know that storks don't really deliver babies.

But the biggest lesson I have learned is to have the conversation frequently, and keep it age appropriate. It took a lot of arguing with my husband, after telling a 13 year old child that if she wanted to get on birth control, to talk to me. This would shock and upset anybody but (1) I know how she feels about sex because we talk about it, and I read her reaction. So far, she has not reached "that point" of curiosity... and I am sure she hasn't even kissed a guy yet. The more important reason (2) is that she needs to have somebody to talk to, should she consider taking that step, and to be responsible and safe (instead of careless because she is afraid.)

Well, that's my advice for somebody with an older daughter... is to "be cool" about it... because as young as 13 is when curiosity sets in.

However, I gather you are talking about a younger child. I also think that it is dependant on age, but 'hoohoo' and 'haha' are acceptable descriptions for a younger child.

Even now, my daughter giggles like crazy when you say "vagina" so, I bought a fish and named it Vagina for her.

As a single parent (male) with an 11 year old daughter I was told by my wise girlfriend that I needed to have the "talk" with her as the onset of her period could be traumatic if she wasn't prepared.
It was a lot easier to do than I thought and I went into as much detail as she wanted about sex and reproduction. In later years she thanked me and said I had done a great job.
Buying sanitary napkins was a little strange but I got guidance from a helpful lady at the drugstore.