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He can't quite reach the finish line.

By Anonymous October 7, 2009 - 7:10am
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I've been dating this fellow for a couple months now. We started having sex a few weeks ago, which is... quite nice. I'm 20, he's 25. He's had more sexual partners than I've got digits, while I can count all of mine on less than a hand (this worried me a little at first; I felt a little... insufficient and afraid that my inexperience would be a bit of a hindrance. Still a mite worried that this might be the case.).

Problemo, though, is that, while the sex is awesome... he's a master of stamina. A bit too much of one. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing on the surface... but I enjoy sex more when my partner manages to finish too. I've managed to help him out orally after I'm done with two or three interesting endings of my own, but... y'know, having a guy finish after normal sex is quite satisfying for both parties. He hasn't been able to orgasm from just plain sex alone quite yet.

He said hadn't had this problem since he was around 15 with his first girl. A friend told me that he had casually commented that I'm the first girl in about ten years who he's actually dated for more than two weeks (which worried me mildly when I first heard it; but after some thought I realized the relationship is going very well and I have no reason to worry, we get along quite swimmingly :3).

I was afraid it might've been because I can often get a little bit too slippery. He's complimented me many times on my kegels, so I'm not "loose", by any means. He'll often say that he'll "get to the point, then it kind of just fades off into the distance".

summary: my fellow can't get off from anything except oral

What can I do to help him? Or comfort him? Or should I do anything at all, this is something that he's gotta do?

Add a Comment1 Comments

Hi, Anon, and welcome to EmpowHer! Thank you for your question.

You are thoughtful and generous in your attitude with this issue, which is so nice to see. But with sexual issues, what is mildly bothersome at first can later become annoying and de-motivating, so it's good that you're pondering this now. And it's wonderful that you can talk about it with your boyfriend.

With only a couple of months behind you in the relationship, he's already commenting casually to a friend that you're the first person since age 15 that he's dated for more than 2 weeks. I am wondering if this itself is messing with his psyche a little bit? That a fear of intimacy or commitment is affecting him?

Being "a master of stamina" takes some mental doing in many men. In an effort to hold out and please their partner, they may think of other things, do math in their heads, etc, anything to keep from ejaculating too soon. I am wondering if he has worked on this to the point that he has trouble just relaxing and going with the moment?

I also am wondering if he's being truthful that you're the only person he's had this problem with? I certainly don't mean to cast doubts on someone who's being honest with you and wants to solve the problem, but it may be an embarrassing thing that he's having difficulty dealing with. To say that you're the only person since his first experience communicates, at some level, that the problem is you. That's why you're wondering about this too.

Here are a couple of pages that might be helpful, concerning delayed ejaculation. Some suggest that in some men who masturbate, vaginal sex may not be enough stimulation for them. Might this be a part of it?


Please write back and let me know whether these articles are of any help. And perhaps in the meantime, others who have experienced this will write to you as well.

October 8, 2009 - 8:42am
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