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He doesn't seem interested in sex anymore

By Anonymous November 20, 2014 - 5:59pm
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I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. We see each other once a week because we don't live in the same city. We used to have sex all weekend long. started out like 5 times in a weekend and about 2 months ago it had tapered down to twice a weekend now it is none. I have had a rough year losing my job and I gained 50 lbs. He got a new job and has been working very long hours monday through friday and half the day on saturdays. He has been getting back in shape. He is extremely affectionate still and always wants to cuddle and kiss and tell me he loves me. I do love to cuddle and kiss but it really hurts me to think that he might not find me sexually attractive anymore. I need that intimate time with him. I crave that desire he once had with me. I do have a higher libido. Am I the only one that went through this?

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Hi Anonymous and thanks for sharing your story with the EmpowHER community.

It sounds like you have both been through a lot in the past two years. How wonderful that he's affectionate with you, but it's very understandable that you miss the intimacy you used to enjoy together.

There are many reasons why sex stops or is drastically reduced in a relationship. It can be due to stress, ill-health, a hectic schedule, illness, fatigue, depression, medications or a lack of interest in sex. A person may also want to stop having sex with someone because they are no longer sexually interested in them.  

You have already mentioned many changes that have impacted the two of you. To understand why your intimate life is lacking, you will need to talk to your boyfriend directly. He is the only person who can tell you the truth, anyone else would just be guessing, just like you are. 

 My suggestion is that you find the right time and place to have a long, adult talk with him, letting him know how much you care for him and how you miss the intimacy and want to work with him to make things better. Give him the opportunity to be open and honest and let you know what's on his mind.

You are not alone in this, there are other threads on this site where women discuss this exact same issue. Relationships often encounter rocky patches, but they can be saved when both parties are willing to be honest and are willing to work through their problems. Therapy may be helpful, alone or as couples therapy.

If you don't take action the relationship will stay as it is or get worse.  It sounds like you want things to improve and to be in a long term relationship. If he has other goals then you need to know that to make the right choices for your own life and life goals.

Please keep us posted and make sure your own happiness is also a priority.

Best regards,


November 20, 2014 - 6:13pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Pam Ellen)

Thank you Pam! You are right I have to talk with him. It's difficult because seeing him once a week I go to his house I just want to be happy and have fun with him and not bring him down with my being emotional. (Which I can be so it's hard to know whether or not I might be overreacting)

November 20, 2014 - 6:21pm
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