My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We met 4 years ago and dated briefly (and fell in love in that short time), but he had some things to work out so we broke up. My heart was broken because I thought I'd found the man that I would spend the rest of my life with.
We didn't speak to (or see each other, he lived 2 hrs away) for over a year, when randomly, he shows up in my city, 10 mins from where I lived, in a restaurant where I was having brunch. We exchanged pleasantries and I cried for 3 days straight after that. Months later, we started to communicate again and eventually got back together. It seemed that we had picked up exactly where we left off, with the same level of physical, emotional and mental attraction that we had 1 and a half years ago. The only difference was that, I had decided, before we started communicating, that I would be moving to another city (now a 2 hour flight away, as opposed to a 2 hr drive).
He then placed my hand on his heart, told me "this is yours," and said that I was patient enough to wait for him, so he would wait for me. He loved me. This was in May of 2007.
We haven't made love to each other since April of 2007. I've since moved back to the area he's in (we're back to being a 2 hr drive apart). He hugs me, kisses me, holds my hand, rubs my back, places his hand on my thigh, puts his arm around me... all those loving and affectionate things that we want our men to do. But he doesn't look at me anymore like he desires me. He doesn't initiate sex and if I try, it doesn't happen. I asked him if he was sexually attracted to me and he told me no. He said that he didn't know what was wrong with him. He thought it had something to do with the distance and him needing to turn that sexual drive off as we didn't get to see each other that often. We'd talked about it before, and we both believed that was it. Or maybe he just didn't want to admit that he wasn't physically attracted me to me anymore.
I've always been small...5'3, 128 lbs. I've gained about 15 lbs, mostly in the thigh/hip area, so it really just gives me a more womanly figure than i had before. *sigh* I just don't know what to do. He told me last night that he just needs some time to think. He said "this isn't over" but he just needs to figure out for himself if he needs to be alone. He cried more than I did, I guess because I have kind of been preparing myself for this. don't get me wrong, I'm devastated. Completely devastated. But what can I do, really? Not much. I just don't know if we have a chance... Neither of us really know if it's truly physical or if there's some sort of mental block since he admittedly has issues with ppl leaving him. And I left. I don't know. I know that he loves me, and his love for me hasn't changed, he just isn't sure why that one piece went missing or if he will be able to get it back.
I told him that I am willing to fight and try to make this work because of the love I have for him, but only if he is equally willing.
I'm sorry for the novel, I don't even know what kind of answers I'm looking for, since they can really only come from him...maybe I just need to know that I'm not a lunatic for wanting to work on this
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