Facebook Pixel

How can I fix my relationship?

By November 30, 2010 - 11:21am
Rate This

My fiance and i have been together for a while now. We're getting married next summer. And our relationship is great now. We used to fight a lot but after talking a lot about it we finally made a breakthrough our issues and we haven't had a fight in a while. It's been great. But now we're facing a problem I don't know how to fix or even how to go about trying to fix it. He has a great interest in being physical... He likes to play with his fingers and likes when I give him oral. Now I like when he does that, but it only satisfies a physical need not an emotional need or my craving to be intimate with him. It's just not the same. I am a very sexual person and he's one of the only two men I've ever been with. I have talked to him a lot about it, and he very lovingly tells me he'll work on it. And I know he wants to fix it. But neither of us know what to do. His lack of interest in sex makes me feel unattractive, unappealing. Just plain unwanted. Which in my head i know isn't right but i can't help but feel like this. I know his very religious upbringing has a part in it because he was always preached to wait till marriage and it's so much a part of his thinking he can't help it. And his sexual appetite will change once we're married. But i need to know what to do to keep my own sanity until then. I need some advice from women who have gone through this. And please don't say something cryptic like 'spend some you time' or 'take care of yourself' or 'talk to a therapist' because answers like that leave me with more questions. Please if anyone has any suggestions to allow me to feel better about myself and how to maybe ease off my own sexual drive.... It can't be normal for me to have this high a sex drive.

Add a Comment1 Comments

HERWriter Guide

Hi Chrissy

Thanks for your question! I'm sorry you are having these difficulties.

The most important thing to think about regarding what you said is that this will get better after you get married - it won't. Emotional problems regarding sex don't disappear once he signs on that dotted line! Nothing "gets better" (or worse) after we marry. Marriage itself doesn't make or break a situation.

Using hands for sex or oral sex is not "waiting for marriage" - it's sex!

If you respect his wishes to remain sexless for now (which neither of you actually are) then don't push him - you don't have the right do to that. But if he has sexual hangups, it's unlikely marriage will solve this.

Advising you both to head to therapy is not "cryptic" at all. It may be great for you (and individually for him.) But if you are looking for the stories of other woman then we have literally hundreds for you! Some will be unlike your situation, some will have many similarities. Head over here for lots of input: http://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-sex-me-anymore

Thank you for writing!

December 1, 2010 - 2:40pm
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Relationships & Family

Get Email Updates

Relationships & Family Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!