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how can i reach orgasm?

By June 12, 2009 - 7:14pm
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I'm 17 and in a really good realationship, he puts no pressure on me and we have the perfect amount of intamicy. I don't focus on orgasm I just sit back and enjoy, usualy I feel like I need to pee but can easily hold it, I enjoy sex I just never orgasm. I don't like oral sex performed on me and I can't orgasm from my hand or his, I really wanna expierience a full blown orgasm with him because I love him and I want to connect with him like that at least once, but I don't put pressure on myself about it. I'm just curious about things we can do to get me to orgasm with him. The only ways I've ever orgasmed were laying under the bathtub faucette, using the vibrating showerhead, using a back massager and recently rubbing a fat sharpie inbetween the lips of my vagina (I kno its weird) and I used lots of lube for the last one. Should I stop masurbating? What can I do to achieve orgasm with him, it could be mental because I was sexualy abused when I was young. I just want to achieve this next level of intamicy with my boy friend, please help!

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EmpowHER Guest

If the straddle position is too painful for you, I would certainly have a sit down talk with your boyfriend. He can certainly help your situation in other positions.

The main focus would be that you understand (the feeling) since you have experienced it by other means. Do you remember how you got there? Taking the thought process of how you experienced it before and put it into the situation that you are in with your boyfriend may help.

I hope this helps a little better. Manipulation of the clitoris will always help (to put it bluntly). There is no magic wand (no pun intended), no magic position. Manipulation is the key word.

I hope this helps a little better.

June 15, 2009 - 12:59pm

I agree with Miscortes, the fact that you are feeling a tingly feeling like you have to urinate are signs that you are learning to orgasm. Here are some positions and tips from Discovery Health:


And from Go Ask Alice, of Columbia University:


Part of learning to orgasm has to do with learning to be in the moment, without really concentrating on the moment. Does that make sense? If you think about it too much, your brain takes over -- and what you want to happen is for your body's sensations to take over. If you worry about it -- "there, is that it? am I doing it? am I getting closer? no, that's not it, it's not going to work, AGAIN" -- that self-talk kills the possibility. Focus on the sensation and on doing things that increase the sensation and you'll have more success.

June 15, 2009 - 9:25am

I've tried on top but he hit my cervix and it hurt. And I have a hard time straddeling because I have jrs. Are there any other ways?

June 14, 2009 - 1:05pm
EmpowHER Guest

One way you can try is to straddle him. This is the best way that you are more in control of the situation and you’re in the right position for an orgasm.

Lubricants are utilized more for moisture and not for an orgasm. I hope this helps.

June 14, 2009 - 9:43am
EmpowHER Guest

im on the same boat as Kay but i can have a orgasm ONLY when im getting oral sex not when have intercourse sex and i tell my partner that i never (have a orgasm) and he thinks its something that he is doing wrong but i tell him no its me..i dnt kno what to do ...help is needed.

June 13, 2009 - 6:22pm

Yes I am on ortho tri cyclin and have been on it for five months, and we are each other first sexual partners so I'm not worried about stds. I kno people say oral is a good way to orgasm but I just don't like it. My bf has a high stamina so I have a lot longer to try and have one. I just wanna kno what ways we can try to achieve this, are there certain positions or lubricants that can help?

June 13, 2009 - 10:40am
EmpowHER Guest

Thank you for your question. Masturbating (for women) is a great way to learn how to orgasm. Men and women are so different and it is much easier for a man to reach an orgasm unlike women. We are anatomically not the same in this aspect.

The best way that you can learn to reach an orgasm is to talk to your boyfriend about your dilemma and keep trying until you reach that state. Certainly, oral sex is usually the best way to learn how to orgasm. This is mainly because this is the epicenter of an orgasmic state. There is also the g-spot orgasm but this is much harder to reach due to its location inside your vagina.

The clitoris orgasm is the feeling that you are experiencing when you say you feel like you need to urinate. You are on your way to the orgasm that you are seeking. Keep focused on that feeling and it will happen.

You say that you are 17 years old, are you on birth control? You should also be using protection due to the chances of obtaining a STD. Please keep us updated. I hope this helps.

June 13, 2009 - 9:33am
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