I am starting a relationship with a new woman who has a signifigantly reduced sex drive than my previous girlfriend. I am struggling with this and would like advice from some women.

Thank you in advance,

I have just started a relationship with a long term friend who I care about very much emotionally and intellectually. I am thrilled about all aspects of our interactions except our sex life. I feel that sex is one of the most enjoyable experiences one can have and as such enjoy being sexual quite often.

In past relationships I feel my needs have always been satisfied. My last relationship was fantastic sexually but lacked in many other areas. This new relationship is wonderful in all areas but sex. I am finding myself always initiating sexual interactions. I am feeling like my new girlfriend isnt enjoying sex - she is fairly inexperienced - I try to be encouraging and do all I can to make her feel loved, secure, and comfortable. I have had sex with many partners in the past - all of whom have seemed satisfied if not thrilled to sleep with me as I was to sleep with them in return.

I used to have sex with my ex maybe 4-5 times a week consistently for a period of 3.5 years. I suspect this is uncommon. I feel like my expectations are now all out of whack.... I am struggling with how to address this.. We can sit down and talk about this... but this relationship is new and I feel strange bringing problems to the table so quickly. I guess the bigger questions is... is it impossible to pair a man who has a very active libido with a woman who seems to have a fairly tepid sex drive? I refuse to be the man who is 50 and hasnt had sex with his wife in 5 months.

Has anyone here had an experience similar to this? I really love this woman but I know that I will not be satisfied with this amount of sexual activity in the long term.

Please advise and thank you,

Man consulting women

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Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your question and welcome to Empowher. We appreciate you coming to our site for advice. You are correct to assume that having sex 4 to 5 times a week is abnormal. There are many things that can stop a sexual relationship from happening such as careers, kids, and perhaps just life in general. Actually a Durex Survey indicated that a normal couple reported having sex approximately 127 times a year.

I think your understanding that you may be looking for higher standards in the sex department may be helpful understanding that not all women will have the same sex drive as a previous girlfriend. This falls in the same category as, “Don’t compare apples to oranges.” Since she is also inexperienced in the area of sex, this will also be a great way for you to have her try new things and perhaps that will raise the sexual desire in her as well.

Compromise is key in any relationship. Since you have so many good things to say about her (the only exception being sex), I would talk to her and try to find a middle ground where you both can agree and move forward with the relationship or if you find this as a “deal breaker”, perhaps you will move on….either way, you will have an answer. I hope this helps.

Good luck,
Missie

May 29, 2011 - 8:26am

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